Blue Shift in...
Paradise City
By Rebel40000 (Cygnus Wing)

Starring...

Be sure to sing along to Paradise City by Guns N' Roses!

*It was a bad day at Blue Shift's base. And by bad I mean good.*

Elec: *drawing*

Wolf: *watching from the side* Grr... you're using the wrong color.

Elec: No I'm not. It's supposed to be gray.

Wolf: Grr... It needs to be green.

Elec: No... it needs to be gray.

Wolf: IT NEEDS TO BE GREEN DAMN IT.

Crown Thunder: *peeking over Elec's shoulder* It needs to be red.

Elec: Where'd you come from!?

Crown Thunder: I come from the heart of the heartland! And the heartland requests that your drawing must be red!

Elec: Umm... why?

Crown Thunder: RED IS THE COLOR OF PASSION!! *grabs a paint bucket and splatters red paint all over Elec and her drawing* PAAAAAASSIOOOOOOON!!

Elec: ...

Wolf: ...

Crown Thunder: ...

Elec: *cracks knuckles*

Crown Thunder: THE HEARTLAND BECKONS ME!! *flees*

Elec: *transformed* COME BACK HERE!!

*Elsewhere, in the living room...*

Cancer Bubble: *hears the sound of Crown Thunder screaming in agony* Buku! How can I concentrate on ingenious plans for world destruction with all of this noise!?

Joel: *eating some chips while watching TV* Blah, blah, blah, who cares.

Taurus: I want that bag of chips.

Joel: No.

Taurus: Yes.

Joel: Damn, I can't argue with that. *transforms into Taurus Fire*

Joel: Bon appetite! *eats the bag of chips... literally*

Crown Thunder: *flies into the room in pieces* AHHHHHHH!! *crashes into the TV* HELP!! I HAVE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!!

Joel: MOOOOOOOOOO!! YOU BROKE THE TV!!

Crown Thunder: Mommy!

*After several hours of torture...*

Crown Thunder: *has head firmly reattached* Muuuuuuch better.

Crown: (You need to be more careful.)

Crown Thunder: BUT, BUT, BUT!! THE MEANY HEADS ARE TRYING TO HURT MEEEEEEEEEE!!

Crown: (What we need to do is find is a place with some ladies and get... acquainted.)

Crown Thunder: Oooooh, then we need to go home.

Crown: (Huh?)

Crown Thunder: Home! The heart of the heartland! The place I died.

Crown: (I like this place already! Let's go.)

Crown Thunder: Can't.

Crown: (What? Why not?)

Crown Thunder: I forgot where it is.

Crown: (...)

Crown Thunder: THEREFORE WE MUST ASK FOR HELP!! KEKEKEKEKEKE!!

Crown: (Ooookay.)

*A few minutes later...*

Cancer Bubble: So what are you trying to say, buku?

Crown Thunder: I need you to take me to the heartland.

Joel: And just what the Hell is the heartland again?

Crown Thunder: Home.

Cancer Bubble: Buku! We do not have time to go home and sit around and do nothing!

Joel: That's what we always do, though.

Cancer Bubble: Do not be ridiculous, buku! We are merely waiting, biding out time... yes...

Taurus: Can we please eat him yet?

Crown Thunder: YOU GUYS GOTTA HELP ME!! I MUST BECOME... ACQUAINTED WITH THE LADIES!!

Elec: ...

Crown Thunder: Ohhh... *wraps arm around Elec* That isn't to say that I wouldn't dream of unacquainting myself with you, Elec-baby!

Elec: ...

Crown Thunder: Together, the two of us shall travel to the heart of the heartland, where we shall become... acquainted with many, many people! *takes cape off and flashes the room* CLIMB!!

Everyone else: Gah!!

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home!

Crown: (Oh, won't you please take me home?)

Joel: *regaining his eyesight* THAT'S IT!! YOUR ASS IS GRASS!!

Cancer Bubble: Buku! Get him!

Crown Thunder: Uh-oh.

*The rest of Blue Shift grab Crown Thunder and take him to the bathroom, where they stand in front of the toilet.*

Crown Thunder: Hey... what're you guys doing in front of the toilet?

Elec: Shut up. *rips Crown Thunder's head off*

Crown Thunder: Hey! I just got myself reattached!

Cancer Bubble: Be quiet, buku! For your punishment you will endure the trials of the swirl!

Joel: ...I'm not even gonna ask. Let's just get this over with.

Cancer Bubble: After you, Elec.

Elec: Thank you. *jams Crown's head into the toilet*

Crown Thunder: BLARGH!! I GOT TOILET WATER IN MY NOSE!!

Elec: Oh, goody. *jams the head further in*

Cancer Bubble: Now! Commence the swirls, buku! *flushes the toilet*

Crown Thunder: AHHHHHH!! *gets sucked down the drain*

Everyone else: ...

Joel: Was that supposed to happen?

Cancer Bubble: It matters not, buku! He will have to face many trials, but surely... the answers that he seeks lies within this mighty vessel! *pats the toilet tenderly*

*The remaining members all leave, not particularly caring about Crown Thunder's future. Meanwhile, down in the sewers...*

Crown Thunder: Well... WHO NEEDS THEM!? WE'LL JUST GET HOME ON OUR OWN!! TO THE HEARTLAND!!

Crown: (And how do you suggest we go about doing that?)

Crown Thunder: ...NOOOO!! I AM MISSING MY CAPE!!

Crown: (And?)

Crown Thunder: MY SHINIES!! THEY ARE ALL MISSING!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Crown: *face palms*

???: Who're you!?

Crown Thunder: Huh?

???: I said, "Who're you?"

Crown Thunder: I AM THE OMNIPOTENT CROWN THUNDER-HEAD!! KEKEKEKEKE!! And just where are you!?

???: Behind you.

*Crown's head swerved around to see a sea urchin staring at him.*

Crown Thunder: AHHHHH!!

Urchin: Be quiet! What are you doing in the sewers anyway?

Crown Thunder: Ohh... I'm on a journey to go to the heart of the heartland!

Urchin: The what?

Crown Thunder: MY HOOOOOOME!!

Urchin: I see.

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home!

Crown: (Oh, won't you please take me home?)

Urchin: Well, I could probably hook you up with something Mr.... uh, Thunder-Head.

Crown Thunder: THEN YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL!! KEKEKEKEKEKE!! Oh, by the way, what's your name?

Sebastian: Friends call me Sebastian.

Crown Thunder: Sebastian!? AM I UNDER THE SEA!?

Sebastian: NO, DAMN IT!!

Crown: (We're still in the sewers, numskull!)

Crown Thunder: Then if I'm not under the sea, then what are you doing here?

Sebastian: Just an urchin livin' under the street,
I'm a hard case that's tough to beat!
I'm your charity case,
So buy me somethin' to eat!
I'll pay you at another time--
Take it to the end of the line!

Crown Thunder: Buy? I don't got no shinies!

Sebastian: You, good sir, are a liar!

Crown Thunder: AM NOT.

Sebastian: Then why do you have a crown on your head, huh?

Crown Thunder: Pfft. Puh-LEAZE, haven't you ever heard?
Rags to riches
Or so they say!
You gotta
Keep pushin' for the fortune and fame!
You know it's, it's all a gamble
When it's just a game!
You treat it like a capital crime...
Everybody's doin' their time!

Sebastian: Then if you ain't got no money, then you ain't no use to me. GET HIM, BOYS!!

*Out of nowhere several other sea animals appear, surrounding Crown Thunder's head!*

Crown: (Got any plans?)

Crown Thunder: CLIIIIIIIIIIMB!!

*Without warning, a blast of water slams into the sewer tunnel, taking everything with it!*

Sebastian: CURSE YOU, THUNDER-HEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaad... *disappears in the rush of water*

Crown Thunder: *while under water* Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home? Yeah, yeah!

Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home!

*Back at Blue Shift's base...*

Joel: *shudders*

Elec: What's wrong, Joel?

Joel: I thought I just heard that song...

Wolf: Grr... The song that Crown idiot was singing?

Cancer Bubble: YES!! I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT, BUKU!!

Everyone else: Huh?

Joel: Figure what out? A new plan for world destruction?

Cancer Bubble: No... a plan on what to eat! IT IS BRILLIANT, BUKU!! *snaps claws in joy*

Taurus: I know what we're gonna be eating... something nice, big, and red...

Cancer Bubble: *blinks* Why would you eat yourself, buku?

Taurus: DINNER!! *lunges*

Cancer Bubble: BUKU!! *runs*

Elec: Here we go again!

*On the other side of town...*

Crown Thunder: Strapped in the chair of the city's gas chamber--
Why I'm here, I can't quite remember--
The surgeon general say's it's hazardous to breathe!
I'd have another cigarette
But I can't see...
Tell me who you're gonna believe!

Crown: (What the fuck are you talking about?)

Crown Thunder: NO CLUE!! KEKEKEKEKE!!

Crown: (Right, so now that we're just sorta rolling along the street here, do you remember which way home was?)

Crown Thunder: Noooooooope.

Crown: (Let's ask for help, then. Get that guy in the shabby coat over there!)

Crown Thunder: *rolls over and bumps the guy in the leg* EXCUSE ME!!

Copper: Hm? *looks down* WHAT IN THE--

Crown Thunder:Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home! Yeah, yeah!

Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home? Yeah!

Copper: ALIENS!! *pulls out battle cards* YOUR TIME HAS COME!!

Crown: (Oh God, RUN!!)

Crown Thunder: BUT ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO HOME!!

Copper: Oh, no, you won't be using any of your fancy mind tricks on me!

Crown Thunder: Mind tricks?

Copper: Yes. I'm not like those morons!

Crown Thunder: Well, what if I do use said mind tricks?

Copper: No, don't!

Crown Thunder: Oogie-woogie-KABLOOIE!!

Copper: HELP!! *runs away* THE ALIENS ARE ASSAULTING MY MIND!!

Crown: (Well, that was a waste of time. What now?)

Crown Thunder: Now it's time to rolllllll alooooooong... *rolls along the sidewalk*

Crown: (...)

Crown Thunder: So far away...
So far away...
So far away...
So far away!

*Alas, poor Crown Thunder could not find his way home. Instead all he could do was travel the streets. A few days pass like this...*

Crown Thunder: *with a beard* Captain America's been torn apart,
Now he's a court jester
With a broken heart...
He said turn me around
And take me back to the start--
I must be losing my mind!

Crown: (Are you blind!?)

Crown Thunder: I've seen it all a million times!

Crown: *smacks Crown Thunder* (No, idiot, are you blind!? Look!) *points at a bus stop*

Crown Thunder: What is it?

Crown: (...It's a bus stop.)

Crown Thunder: How will this help?

Crown: (Don't humans ride buses to take them from place to place? You can ride this to go home!)

Crown Thunder: Damn, now I guess I can throw away this homeless person's beard... *takes the beard off and throws it away*

*Without warning, a huge crowd of people surround Crown Thunder.*

Crown Thunder: Whoa, lots of people.

*Then the bus shows up.*

Crown Thunder: *is trampled* OUCH!! OW!! STOP!! AGH!!

*Then the bus leaves.*

Crown: (We missed it!)

Crown Thunder: *has a footprint on face* IF I HAD MY CAPE I'D SHOW THEM!! I'D SHOW THEM EVERYTHING!!

Crown: *ignoring Crown Thunder* (Hmm... it looks like the next bus doesn't come for a while. Do you want to wait?)

Crown Thunder: Might as well.

*A couple hours later...*

Crown: (Here it comes! Get ready!)

Crown Thunder: READY!! *is suddenly surrounded by people* What the...

*The bus comes.*

Crown Thunder: *gets trampled* ACK!! NO!! NOT AGAIN!! S.O.S!!

*The bus leaves.*

Crown: (Damn it, we missed it again!)

Crown Thunder: *has a second footprint on face* I'LL GET IT NEXT TIME!!

*Another couple hours pass...*

Crown: (Are you sure you're ready this time?)

Crown Thunder: *at the edge of the sidewalk* I'LL GET IN FIRST THIS TIME!!

Crown: (Get ready... it's here!)

*The bus appears before Crown Thunder, yet no people appear.*

Crown Thunder and Crown: ...?

Crown: (Of all the luck...)

*The bus door opens... and a stampede of people burst out.*

Crown Thunder: *gets trampled* WHAT!? OH, COME ON!! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!

*The bus leaves again.*

Crown: (I'm sensing a massive amount of pwnage.)

Crown Thunder: *has a third footprint on face* Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

*At that moment a taxi pulls up.*

Crown Thunder and Crown: Eh?

Taxi Driver: *rolls down window* 'Ey, you guys look like ya need to get somewhere.

Crown Thunder: Yes... YES!! WE DO!!

Taxi Driver: *opens door* Then get in, ya foose.

Crown: (What the Hell is a foose?)

Crown Thunder: TOO MANY QUESTIONS!! *hops in* Ooooh, look at all of the shiny stuff! *starts playing with some junk on the dashboard*

Taxi Driver: Uhhh, yeah. Don't touch the stuff. *grabs Crown Thunder and throws him into the backseat*

Crown Thunder: Ouchies!

Taxi Driver: So where do ya want me to take ya?

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home! Yeah, yeah!

Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Taxi Driver: Heheh, sure, I'll take ya there real quick. *takes off*

Crown Thunder: DID YOU HEAR THAT!? WE CAN FINALLY GO HOME!! TO THE HEARTLAND!!

Crown: (It's about time!)

Crown Thunder: And then after we get there we can finally be... acquainted with the ladies!

*The FM-ian and host continue to chatter about their fantasies of the heartland, when it finally starts to grow dark...*

Crown Thunder: *peers out the window* Gee, it's kinda dark...

Crown: (Did you bring a light?)

Crown Thunder: *turns around* No!

Taxi Driver: Is there something wrong back there?

Crown Thunder: Er, well, we've been sitting here for a few hours, it's dark out, and I think we're in the middle of nowhere...

Taxi Driver: That so?

Crown Thunder: Yeah... Oh, look! I think that's home over there! Guess I'll just be going now--

Taxi Driver: Aren't you gonna pay?

Crown Thunder: Pay? You mean... in shinies?

Taxi Driver: Yes, in shinies. You do got some money, don't ya?

Crown Thunder: Er, not really...

Taxi Driver: Then I'm afraid you're going to just have to sit there... FOREVER.

Crown Thunder: NO!! *grabs the door handle and tries to open it* IT'S LOCKED!! LET ME OOOOUT!!

Taxi Driver: Can't let you do that... THUNDER-HEAD!! *rips mask off to reveal Sebastian*

Crown Thunder: YOU!!

Crown: (HIM!!)

Sebastian: THAT'S RIGHT!! I'M GONNA GET SOME MONEY IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!! *pulls out a gun* GIVE ME SOME NOW!! OR ELSE!!

Crown Thunder: I told you! I don't have any shinies! I left them behind! I just want to go home!

Sebastian: I DON'T CARE!!

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home! Yeah, yeah!

Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Sebastian: STOP SINGING!!

Crown Thunder: Home!

Sebastian: Wrong answer. *points gun*

Crown: (HE'S GONNA KILL US!!)

Crown Thunder: NEVER!! *tackles Sebastian*

Sebastian: OW!! *grabs Crown and wrestles him*

Crown: (Give him a left! A left! ...Wait, you don't have your body. THEN GIVE HIM A RIGHT, DAMN IT!!)

*As both Crown Thunder and Sebastian struggle, the car starts swerving left and right on the road, all the while picking up speed!*

Crown Thunder: I want to go!
I want to know!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

I want to see!
Oh, look at me!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Sebastian: NEVER!!

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Take! Me! Home!

Crown: (Oh, won't you please take me home?)

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Sebastian: I'LL KILL YOU!! *gets on top of Crown Thunder*

Crown Thunder: BITE ME!!

Sebastian: *bites*

Crown Thunder: YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOW!! *shoves Sebastian off*

*In need of support, Sebastian grabs hold of the steering wheel, turning it wildly, causing the car to go spinning out of control! It then proceeds to go flying off the road and into some woods*

Crown: (He's gonna get us all killed!)

Sebastian: If I'm going down then I'm taking you with me, Thunder-Head!

Crown Thunder: KEKEKEKEKE!! FOOL!! I'M ALREADY DEAD!! KEKEKEKEKEKE!!

Sebastian: LIES!! *lunges*

Crown Thunder: *locks places with Sebastian* Take me down--
Oh yeah--
Beat me down!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

I want to see!
Oh, look at me!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Sebastian: YOUR HOME CAN ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!!

Crown Thunder: ...

Sebastian: Oh, what? You gonna cry? GONNA CRY LIKE A BABY!?

Crown Thunder: NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY HOME AND MY... ACQUAINTANCES AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!

Sebastian: *gets pushed back* H-huh!?

Crown Thunder: I want to see!
Boy, I'm gonna be mean!
Oh, oh take me home!

Sebastian: THUNDER-HEEEEAAAAAAAAAAD!!

*At that moment, the car collides into a tree, causing the entire vehicle to explode! Both Sebastian and Crown Thunder go flying up into the air!*

Crown Thunder: Take me down to the paradise city,
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty!
Oh, won't you please take me home?

Crown: *holding on for dear life* (AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!)

*Back at Blue Shift's base...*

Taurus: Mooooo! Is dinner ready yet!?

Elec: Cancer said he was going to make us his new dish... I hope it's good!

Joel: *pounding his fists on table* FOOD!! FOOD!! FOOD!!

Wolf: Grr... I bet he hasn't even started.

Cancer Bubble: *wearing a chef's hat* I heard that, buku! It takes time to create a magnificent dish!

Joel: WHAT'RE WE EATING.

Cancer Bubble: Buku! It is called "Uni Muki"!

Elec: What's in it?

Cancer Bubble: Let's see... there's some rice... with wasabi sauce... and... the most important ingredient... which I lack...

Joel and Taurus: YOU WHAT!?

Cancer Bubble: Eh? Heheheh, did I just say that, buku? What I meant to say was, I don't have it now, but I'm certain it'll fall into my claws at any moment! *snaps claws eagerly*

Joel: *transforms* It's time go with my original plan...

Elec: *transforms* Oh, no you don't!

Cancer Bubble: Now, let's just calm down for a moment, buku! As I just said, it'll be here any second now!

Joel: I'M NOT WAITING ANY LONGER!! *points at Cancer Bubble* GET IN MAH BELLY!!

???: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Everyone else: Huh?

*Out of nowhere, Crown Thunder and Sebastian crash through the ceiling! Crown Thunder lands on top of the dining room table, breaking it, while Sebastian falls into Cancer Bubble's claws.*

Crown Thunder: Urrgh... am I home!?

Elec: Oh, no...

Joel: This couldn't get any worse...

Cancer Bubble: PERFECT!! I have obtained the final ingredient, buku! *raises Sebastian for everyone to see* SEA URCHIN!!

Sebastian: H-huh? Ingredient? Me!?

Cancer Bubble: I'm going to enjoy cracking you open to rip out your gonads, buku!

Sebastian: WHAT!? NO!! CURSE YOU AGAIN, THUNDER-HEEEEEEEAAAAAAaaaaaaaaad... *is carried off to the kitchen*

Joel: ...Sea urchin gonads? Thanks, but no thanks. *turns back to normal and leaves*

Crown Thunder: Well, that sure was a crazy trip. *sees his body* Oh! There you are! I was looking all over for you! Yes, I was! *gets himself reattached* CROWN THUNDER IS BACK, BOOYAH!!

Elec: Unfortunately...

Crown Thunder: Heeeey, Elec-baby. *scoots close to her* I'm still trying to find my way back home, y'know? The heart of the heartland!

Elec: That's nice, Crown...

Crown Thunder: But I've been doing some thinking...

Elec: Oh? Like what?

Crown Thunder: Trying to find it on my own is a pain! I want you guys to help me next time like I originally intended!

Elec: Umm... no.

Crown Thunder: Umm... yes! *grabs Elec, hugging her* THEN WE CAN GET... ACQUAINTED!!

Elec: *breaks free* NO!!

Crown Thunder: I want to go!
I want to know!
Oh, won't you please take me hooooooome!?

Elec: NO MEANS NO!! *grabs Crown and flings him into the living room*

Crown Thunder: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!! *crashes into the TV, breaking it*

Joel: GRARGH!! I JUST BOUGHT THAT TV, TOO!!

Taurus: IT'S ASS KICKING TIME!!

Crown Thunder: Baby! *passes out*

- The End -