Blue Shift in...
Photorealism
By Avi (Gemini Spark)

Starring...

It’s a sunny day in Time Square (No, not Times Square, thank you). It’s lunchtime in the city, and where else to go for a fine meal other than Marco’s Marvelous Pizza Joint? Well, lots of places, actually. But we are going to Marco’s Marvelous Pizza Joint whether you all like it or not! So, let’s check in at what Chef Marco is up to.

Marco: I am putting toppings on this here pizza. Now I just need some ground beef. I think I will go over there and ask one of my workers to hand me some beef. Hey, you!

Joel: (coming over to Marco) …yes?

Marco: (eyes never leaving his pizza) I will now ask you to hand me the ground beef. Hand me the ground beef, please! *sticks out his hand*

Joel: Here you go. *picks up the nearby Cancer Bubble and hands him to Marco*

Marco: (still not looking over towards the bull) I will now thank you. Thanks! …But wait! I just noticed that the “beef” I am holding, which actually looks more like a crab, is not yet ground. Not a problem, though! I am now carrying it over to the meat grinder, where I shall place it so that it may be ground up into a fine pile of mush.

Cancer Bubble: Buku…? *pinches Marco’s nose*

Marco: The “beef,” which only now have I realized actually is a crab, has pinched my poor little nosey; and that being the case, I will now cry out in pain. YEEEEEEEEEEOUCH! From my resulting shock, I see that I just dropped the crab on the floor, and I am now watching as it scurries away, behind that werewolf’s leg. But wait, a werewolf? In my little restaurant?! This supernatural sight fills me with utter shock! As such, I will now cry out in fear. AAAAAH!

Elec: Yes, pathetic little man. Cry while you still can. Because your days preparing sub-par pizzas from road kill are about to be ended!

Wolf: Yes… we’ll make a sub-par pizza out of YOU! Gwahahahahahahaha!

Marco: Needless to say, I am now trembling with fear, not only for my own safety at the hands of these monsters, but for the customers… right now, they are all evacuating from my restaurant, without having paid the check like they should have! I fear now that I will never get my well-earned pay, and the thought of tracking each of my escaped customers down to make them pay now races through my mind!

Crown Thunder: Make them pay? HA! I’ll make YOU pay… for not having the toppings I wanted! EEEEE-Kekekekekekekekekekekeke!

Marco: As the skeleton creature approaches me, I now recognize him. He came in before wearing a fake moustache, attempting to order a pizza topped with assorted candies. I now know his origin; however, the origin of the other creatures who suddenly appeared in my restaurant out of seemingly nowhere remains a mystery to me even to this very moment… so I will do the only thing logical and ask where they came from, and why. YOU! MONSTERS! Where did you come from, and why?!

Cancer Bubble: We entered via the wave roads, buku. Why are we here, you ask? To take over your business!

Joel: Out you go, buddy! *grabs Marco in one hand*

Marco: I was just grabbed by the would-be ground beef pizza topping… he is now squeezing me ever tightly in his grip, and let me tell you, it hurts! Uh oh… now he is winding up… as if to throw me like a fastball… I am getting quite dizzy… Owowowowowowowowowowow! …AND HE JUST THREW ME! WHAAAAAAAAAAA—

*CRASH!*

Marco: …I am now lying on the pavement outside my humble restaurant… I can tell that I just crashed through the window, as there is a piece of broken glass lodged in my shoulder, and looking over to my side, I am terrified to see that I am in fact bleeding! I now lay here, on the pavement, scared and confused, as I wait for emergency workers, such as an ambulance, or perhaps even the police, to arrive. Even at this point in time, I feel myself growing impatient…

(Time passes)

Marco: I have been waiting for emergency help for so long, and yet none has arrived… From my perspective, seconds are becoming hours, hours are becoming years, years are becoming centuries, centuries are becoming many a millennia, many a millennia are becoming an otherwise immeasurable amount of time, otherwise immeasurable amounts of time are becoming an even harder to measure amount of time that one human mind could not possibly comprehend on the grand scale of the universe… oh, for the love of pepperoni, somebody please help me!

Back inside Marco’s Marvelous Pizza Joint, with all the customers and workers evacuated, all that remains are the members of Blue Shift and their Jammer henchmen.

Cancer Bubble: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Our conquest was a success, buku! Say byebye to Marco’s Marvelous Pizza Joint, and hello to Cancer’s Crusty Creations!

Crown Thunder: Oooooh, I can so imagine a slogan for this Cancer’s Crusty Creations place. “Get infected with Cancer’s!™” Whatcha think, huh huh huh HUH?

Elec: Damn it, NO. We want to attract customers/victims, not drive them away! Let’s stick with just “Crusty Creations.”

Cancer Bubble: Alrighty, buku… Now everybody line up and listen to what your crabby overlord has to say!

Jammers: (they line up and salute) SIR!

Cancer Bubble: Phase one of Operation: ANCHOVIES is complete! You, Jammers, stay here and guard this pizza joint. The rest of us shall retreat back to base, to begin phase two. Now go do stuff, buku!

Some time later, at Blue Shift’s SUPER SECRET BASE, in the lab…

Cancer Bubble: Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet?

Joel: (working under a microscope) No, shut up, no, shut up, no, shut up, no, shut up, no, shut up!

Crown: So, human, whatcha making anyway?

Wolf: GRRAARGH! How could you have forgotten our evil plan already?!

Crown: Meh. I wasn’t really paying any attention to it.

Wolf: NANOBOTS, YOU MORON!

Cancer Bubble: Yup! Nanobots to use as our “secret ingredient” in Crusty Creations’ pizza!

Elec: Indeed. Not only do the nanobots taste GREAT thanks to seasonings found only on Planet FM, but they are also set to attack the victim’s mind when consumed, leading them under our complete control.

Cancer Bubble: It’s brilliant… I can’t believe I thought of it, buku! See, that’s why I’m the boss crab. *adjusts his “leader’s badge” that he wore on his chest*

Taurus: Moooooo… how many weeks have you been wearing that cookie on your chest? Aren’t you going to eat it before it gets even more stale and mushy?!

Cancer Bubble: Ahh, but being stale and mushy is indeed a testament to said cookie’s experience, buku! See, I may be small, cute, and huggable, but seeing me wear this experienced cookie with pride and dignity is indeed a representation of my own experience! *strikes a dignified pose*

Wolf: Bah, we should just use “experienced” ingredients in our pizza instead of some fancy nano-technology. Easier to just kill the damn humans off with bacteria and germs and whatever other earth parasites crawl around.

Elec: And have the authorities all over us? NO.

Joel: (still working) The nanobots will be subtle, yet effective.

Elec: Well, while you are doing that, I’m outta here. Think I’ll go design a logo for Crusty Creations. *leaves*

Wolf: Grrrrrr… *follows her*

Some time later, in another room…

Wolf: GRRARGH YOU ARE NOT SCANNING YOUR DRAWING INTO THE COMPUTER WITH IT LOOKING LIKE THAT!! The first “C” in the name should be positioned lower!! And the pizza you drew under it should be smaller!! And moved back about an inch!! And the second “z” looks like it’s about to fall right off the page at a moment’s notice!!

Elec: Enough! This is a rough doodle; it’s not supposed to be perfect! Besides, with it scanned onto the computer, these minor flaws can easily be fixed through the magic of Photoshop. *picks up a CD case from the desk*

Wolf: …I’m not playing fetch with some shiny Frisbee until you fix that drawing!

Elec: You are missing the whole damn point. *puts a leash around Wolf* Back in the crate you go!

Wolf: *BARK!* *BARK!* *BARK!* *BARK!*

Elec: *puts Wolf in his crate (which is designed to contain EM waves)* There, now to install Photoshop on to this comp- wait, where did the CD go?! Wolf, did you happen to—

Wolf: No, I did not. The only thing I chewed up and buried in the backyard was my own dignity when I chose you as my host!!!

Elec: Keep up this talk, and I feed every last one of your milk bones to Crown Thunder. Are we clear?

Crown Thunder: *abruptly enters the room* Why, I wholeheartedly thank you for your kind offer of doggy treats, baby, however… see, I have these allergic reactions, so I’d prefer to stick to a strictly Halloween candy diet. On that note, how’s about you and I go trick-or-treating tonight, just the two of us…

Elec: Where the hell did you come from? And does this feel like October to you?! *Whacks Crown Thunder over the head with a box of milk bones*

Crown Thunder: OOOOOOOW! That felt more like the harsh embrace of winter… being out in the snow at absolute zero wearing nothing but a plastic bag filled with ice cuuuuuuuubes… ooooooh.

Crown: Meh. Any time is a good time to invade homes without warning and rob unsuspecting earthlings of their precious candy, I say.

Elec: Ugh. You will eat the damn doggy treats and you will like it, even if I have to shove the whole box, package and all, down your throat! Understood?

Crown Thunder: …Eh?! Do I even have a throat?

Wolf: Grrrr. They’re my treats and mine alone! Don’t you dare waste them on anybody else, especially the dead guy! *Growls at Crown Thunder*

Elec: Say “please” maybe?

Wolf: NEVER!!!

Elec: …Just shut up then.

Crown Thunder: …So, babeh, whatcha doin’???????

Elec: Looking for the Photoshop CD, to touch up the restaurant’s logo I doodled just now. Either help me find it, or get lost.

Crown Thunder: Photoshop, Photoshop… sounds familiar! I believe that’s what was written on that oversized shiny engagement ring that I found to give as a gift to Ophi- Ophu… um, Ophiscus… yeah, that’s it. I THINK! Ahhhh… Ophiscus! Why musteth you deserteth me soooooooooooo?! Wherefore art thou, Ophiscus?!

Elec: …Fork it over!

Crown Thunder: ‘K! Into my collection of shiny things I goooooooooo! *pulls out an exceptionally shiny fork from one side of his cloak, and reaches it into the other side. He then pulls out a copied Photoshop CD, secured between the prongs of the fork*

Elec swipes the CD, but as she goes to put it in the computer, she notices something very unusual… the disc begins to glow, soon to scrunch up, slowly changing shape…

Elec: ..?!

Crown Thunder: What! COMPACT DISC is evolving! DUN dun DUN dun DUN DUN dun dun DUN dun DUN DUN dun dun…

Elec: Shut up!

After a good few seconds, what was once the Photoshop CD stopped glowing… and in its place, was a floating, wireless computer mouse, which bore the Photoshop logo…

Crown Thunder: GRAWRGUUHHHHH! COMPACT DISC evolved into COMPUTER MOUSE! Doo doo dooooooooo, DOOT DOOT doo doo do DOOOOOOOOOOO!

Elec: … *staring dumbfounded at the mysterious new object*

Crown Thunder: Okay honey, that’s enough staring outta you! Back in my cloak of shiny junk it goes. Of course, you are welcome to come in there with it if you want…

Crown Thunder reached out his arm to grab the mysterious computer mouse, only for Elec to slap his hand out of the way, taking the mouse for herself.

Elec: Hm…

She presses a button on the mouse, soon to be greeted with none other than the Photoshop loading screen… IN REAL LIFE! Soon to follow, the window for the program itself… IN REAL LIFE! And, a mouse pointer… IN REAL LIFE!

Crown Thunder: OOH! WHAT IS THIS?! CAN I SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

Elec: Oh… you’ll see alright… ha HA HA! *She moves the mouse around, clicking the paintbrush tool in the program… soon to move the pointer over towards Crown Thunder, scribbling all over him!*

Crown Thunder: Wh-wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! MY BEAUTIFUL COAT!

Crown: Ugh… do we have to go to dry cleaners now? So boring… and no good magazines to look at while we wait… no good pictures… why must they all have clothes on…?

Elec: Ha… *uses the lens flare filter… right in Crown’s eyes!*

Crown: ARGH! Sweet mother of… I CAN’T SEE! I CAN’T SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Elec: That’s for downloading all that filth onto our computers!

Wolf: Heh heh heh… we could raise some hell with this new weapon! Now LET ME OUTTA THIS CRATE! ARF! ARF! ARF!

Elec: Okay… *lets Wolf out of the crate… but not before Photoshopping him magenta*

Wolf: …Curse you.

Elec: Now now, boy, don’t you look just adorable? Now come on, let’s go show Cancer and the others.

Back at the scene of the crime…

Copper: These Z-wave readings… no doubt about it. This pizza place has been overrun by malicious EM beings! Come on, men! We’re going in!

Officer #2: (scared) Um… o-okay… s-sir!

Copper: Ugh… you sissy. And tell me… where are my other two nameless henchmen?!

Officer #2: They found some injured man and are rushing him to safety… at least, I hope that’s what they’re doing with him.

Copper: Whatever. We’re going in without them then!

(A ways back)

Officer #3: Oh man, oh man! It’s an injured man! What do we do?!

Officer #1: Durrr… I think we’re cops, so maybe we’re supposed to arrest him!

Officer #3: Hey, you just might be onto something, my friend! I mean, look at how much he’s bleeding! Can we say “gang violence?”

Officers #1 and #3: GANG VIOLENCE!

Marco: Ugh… I am puzzled, as if to say, “WHAT?!” As I was filled with hope at the sight of officials of the law coming to my aid, that hope was just as quickly shattered as I found out they are no more than complete idiots dressed up as cops! I must exclaim… SWEET MEATBALLS! I asked for medical assistance, not this!!

Officer #1: (handcuffing Marco’s ankles) Dehhh… you have the right to remain violent! Uh… silent! Derr, yeah! That!

Officer #3: Another evildoer down! The Satella Police have saved the day once again! YAY!

(Inside the restaurant…)

Copper: FREEZE! HANDS IN THE AIR!

  Jammers: …

Officer #2: …I’ve got a vacuum cleaner! And I think I might just know how to use it!

  Jammers: …

Jammer #63: These guys are all they sent?

Officer #2: Actually, there are two others, but they are helping somebody outside right now. So maybe, just maybe, they might join us. But, I wouldn’t get my hopes up…

  Jammers: …

Jammer #91: Meh, let’s just finish this.

(The Jammers begin to fire their machine gun arms!)

Copper: WAH! *dancing around frantically to avoid the bullets*

Officer #2: EEP! Vacuum powers GO! *activates his weapon*

Jammer #44: ARGH! I-I’m being sucked in..! I’m being torn apart… goodbye, cruel woooooooorld…

Officer #2: HA! I finally learned how to use this weapon! I’m on a roll, here!

Officer #2 continues his attempt to suck up Jammer #44… only to be stopped short by a punch across the face, courtesy of Jammer #58!

Officer #2: (dropping his weapon) OUCH! Ow ow OWWWWWWWWWW!!! *runs out of the restauraunt*

Copper: Wh-where are you going!?

(Outside)

Officer #2: (gasping for air) They’re… too strong…

Officer #3: Oh THERE you are! LOOK! We caught the criminal behind all of this! *points to Marco, on the ground, struggling, in handcuffs- er, footcuffs?*

Officer #1: We did GOOD! *throws Marco into the Satella patrol car*

Officer #2: What?! NO! You are supposed to rush him to safety!!

Officer #3: We know, that’s what we were about to do… take him to a maximum-security prison!

Officer #1: Secure means safe! SEE?! I know these things because I am smart! Durrrr…

Officer #2: *facepalm* …just let me drive.

Officer #3: I CALL SHOTGUN!

None too late did Copper stumble out of the restaurant, beaten and bruised…

Copper: Urgh… I was outnumbered… WHERE WERE YOU THREE STOOGES?! WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM DOWN!! But noooooooooo… forget about maintaining order. That’s totally not what us policemen do. NUH-UH!

Officer #3: Wait… three stooges? CAN I PLEASE BE CURLY PLEASE OH PLEASE?!?!

Officer #1: Derr, in that case, I wanna be Yogi Bear!

Officer #2: Yogi Bear is not one of the Three Stooges…

Officer #1: I WANNA BE YOGI BEAR!!!

Officer #2: (to Copper) Sir… uh, I’m truly sorry, we only wanted to help this injured man out…

Copper: YOU’RE ALL FIRED! *Gets into the one patrol car, and drives away*

Officer #1: Durr, I think fire is pretty. Ooh! Or maybe he meant fireworks? I like fireworks.

Officer #2: NO! H-he means… we’re… off the force…

Officer #3: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *breaks down into tears*

Back at Blue Shift HQ…

Cancer Bubble: Hehehe! I love this device, buku! *draws a giant, curly mustache and goatee on Joel*

Joel: Give me that! *takes the Photoshop mouse and uses “find edges” on Cancer*

Cancer Bubble: EVIL MUTANT CRAB STARES INTO YOUR SOUL.

Joel: WHOA! Too creepy… *undoes the changes made to Cancer Bubble* Let me try a different filter.

Taurus: Yeah. Much as I like crab, I’m not eating one that looks like that…

Crown Thunder: MY TURN! *snatches the Photoshop mouse from Joel, and applies the dry brush filter to Taurus* Kukukukukukukukukukukuku…

Taurus: !? MOOOOoooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo… ThiS iS WEirDdd MAAAAaaaaaaaannn… *takes the mouse, and uses the noise filter on Elec*

Elec: …

Crown Thunder: Kekeke! You look like a TV with bad reception!

Crown: I STILL CAN’T SEE! *frantically floating about*

Elec: And nobody cares! *takes the mouse* Let’s stop wasting time Photoshopping one another and use it for something more constructive.

Cancer Bubble: Or, rather… in our case, DESTRUCTIVE! Bwahahaha… oh boy oh boy, where to start with this wonderful gadget?!

Crown Thunder: Where to start? Well well, my crabby friend, since you are the only one here who isn’t Photoshopped at the moment, we’ll start with YOU! *snatches the mouse*

Taurus: MooOOOoo… GrrrEEEAAAaaT IdddEEEaaa… iF LiBRa wAaAs heeEEre, hE’d sAy iT wOUld bE bAaAlanCeD tO haVvE EvERyOnE pHOoOtOsHoPPeD!

Wolf: Taurus… do us all a favor AND DON’T TALK!

Crown: Hey, did I mention that I am still unable to see? *zooming about all over*

Cancer Bubble: *takes the mouse back* I’m happy being a normal crab, buku. And what the Boss Crab says goes!

Crown Thunder: Except I’m bigger than you! *takes the mouse from Cancer* Kekekekekekeke!!!

Elec: GIVE IT BACK TO THE CRAB. NOW!

Elec forcefully yanks the mouse from Crown Thunder’s hands, causing it to fly across the room… just as it seemed like it would land on the floor, a certain blinded FM-ian flies by, crashing headfirst into the device! The resulting impact causes not only a bump on Crown’s head, but it also resulted in the mouse flying straight out the window…

Outside the base, not too far away…

Officer #3: *sniff* I… can’t believe we were kicked off the force… being a Satella officer… it’s all I knew! *sniff* What’s a nameless henchman without his organization… WHAT, I ASK YOU?!

Officer #1: Derr… I dunno. Somebody who may as well not even exist?

Officer #3: EXACTLY! *sniff* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Officer #2: Hey now, calm down! Surely, there are other career choices for us, like, such as… um…

Officer #3: …

Officer #1: …

Officer #2: …

Officer #3: …

Officer #1: …

Officer #2: … *sigh* … #3’s right… we have no names, no families, no homes, no backgrounds whatsoever… we’re meant to be Satella henchmen, and Satella henchmen exclusively, even if we aren’t very good at it…

Officer #3: YES WE ARE! We can prove ourselves to Copper too… and just maybe get our jobs back… somehow! We have to… believe…

(Suddenly, an object flies forward and hits Officer #3 in the face!)

Officer #2: WHOA! You alright? …W-What is this thing… a mouse?

Officer #3: Ew! A rodent! In my face?! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET. IT. OUUUUT!!!

Officer #2: No… a computer mouse… but it’s odd… it’s floating…

Officer #1: Durrr, lemme see it! *he grabs the mouse… soon to be greeted with the Photoshop window, IN REAL LIFE!* Deh… YAY! I get to play real-life Mario Paint! *scribbles all over the nearby trees*

Officer #3: Real-life Mario Paint!? WOW! We could maybe give ourselves super powers with this!

Officer #2: Drawing in real life? Wow, but… super powers? I don’t know…

Officer #3: (in a badly drawn superhero costume) BEHOLD! I have become 3 MAN! Evil trembles at the sight of my flaming vacuum cleaner! HIYAAAH! *flies around*

Officer #2: Well I’ll be…

3 Man: Try painting yourself into a superhero too!

And so, Officer #2 Photoshopped himself into…

Officer #2: Um, I guess you could call me… The Smiling Ghost?

And finally, Officer #1 Photoshopped himself… or, at least, pasted his face onto a picture of Yogi Bear he found.

Officer #1: Derr… I am now… SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR!

3 Man: 3 Man… The Smiling Ghost… and Smarter Than the Average Bear! Together, evil doesn’t stand a chance against us!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Dehh, YAY! Copper will want us back on the force for sure now!

The Smiling Ghost: Oh, and let’s not forget to take our computer mouse along. This could aid us well in our quest against evil!

Back with Blue Shift…

Cancer Bubble: EVERYBODY, DON’T PANIC, BUKU! It must be somewhere around here somewhere, it must be! But where… *tears apart the place looking for the mouse* where oh where oh where *checks under the rug* oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where *checks in the fridge* oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where?! *checks in an unworn pair of shoes*

Taurus: FiInD iT! I cAan’T LivVvVe loOoKInG aND soUuNdINg LiKkE thIs!!! MOOOoooooooooooooOOOoooooo…

Crown: Yes… I need my eyes…

Elec: No, you do not, you disgusting little thing! But I could do without this static effect… Well, I think I saw the mouse go flying out that window.

Cancer Bubble: (standing on top of the ceiling fan) Not up here either- oh, the window? Didn’t see where it flew off to, buku. That settles it then! We’re all going on an ADVENTURE! Are you all ready for FUN and EXCITEMENT?!

Joel: Meh… I can hardly contain my thrills.

Cancer Bubble: *hops off the fan, and pinches Joel* SHOW MORE EXCITEMENT, BUKU!

Joel: …Yay…

Cancer Bubble: That’s the spirit! And now, OFF TO ADVENTURE WE GOOOOOO!!! Oh, but what’s this? I can’t go out looking like this… I’m indecent, buku! *hops inside the nearest closet*

Joel: W-what are you doing in there?! That’s MY closet! *a pair of pants flies out of the closet, covering his face*

Soon, Cancer Bubble emerges from the closet, but not before making a mess of the outside area, with Joel’s spare clothes all strewn about. The alien crab now wore a jumpsuit, vest, and a funny hat.

Joel: Wait a minute… those aren’t my clothes you’re wearing.

Cancer Bubble: Nope, they’re not. They’re mine. I brought ‘em with me, buku.

Joel: Then why were you in MY closet?!

Cancer Bubble: I needed a pair of socks!

Crown Thunder: Oooh! Can I wear Joel’s socks too?!?!

Joel: …

Cancer Bubble: ADVENTURE TIME NOW!!!

We now go a ways outside, into a peaceful, wooded area.

Cancer Bubble: My keen crabby senses tell me that the Lost Treasure of Adobe is close by! Leave no stone unturned, buku!

Crown Thunder: *searching under various rocks* Yay! I found a penny!

Wolf: GRRRRRAAAARGH! A PENNY WON’T CHANGE US BACK TO NORMAL!

Crown: Nor would it make a good weapon…

Joel: But maybe if you dropped it from a really, really high place..?

Elec: …Everybody, take a look at these trees.

Crown Thunder: Wh-wh-whaaaaaaat? They’re green, but they’re scribbled on in many colors, JUST LIKE ME! Could this be..? I FOUND MY LONG LOST FAMILY! *runs over to one of the trees, and gives it a hug* MOMMY!

Cancer Bubble: But wait… if these trees are scribbled on… that means somebody may have very well made off with our treasure, buku! …That’s it. Whoever did this, prepare to face the crab’s judgement! *raises his claws, snipping at the air*

???: We will not let you use the Mario Paint mouse for evil!

???: Durr, yeah!

???: Prepare to face justice, aliens!

Cancer Bubble: Heh. Do you have any idea who you are dealing with? I am the great, the powerful, the all mighty, all awesome CANCER BUBBLE, with the Blue Shift team at my side! Now come out and show yourselves…

3 Man: Hiyaaaaaaaaah! *shoots fire at Cancer Bubble*

Cancer Bubble: *puts out the flames with his Tidal Wave ability*

3 Man: …WHAT?! How could he…

The Smiling Ghost: Let me handle this! *He summons several ghostly minions!*

Crown Thunder: Wow, you can summon spirits too? WOW, SO CAN I! LET’S BE FRIENDS! *Summons several ghostly minions of his own!*

The Smiling Ghost: AHH! G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOSTS! *runs and hides behind a tree*

Joel: Wow, Crown’s spirits didn’t even do anything and that guy ran away… well well, boys, if you thought that was a scare, wait ‘till you see this! Taurus, on air!

Elec: Wolf, come!

(Joel and Elec fused with their FM-ians and became Taurus Fire and Wolf Woods respectively!)

Joel: (charging towards the Satella officers) BURN!

3 Man: EEP! *shoots weak flames at Taurus Fire… naturally, there is no effect, as it only makes the Bull’s flames stronger*

The Smiling Ghost: We can’t give up now… *sends slow-moving spirits flying towards Wolf Woods*

Elec: Pathetic. *slices all of them to pieces*

The Smiling Ghost: Oh-oh no… NO…

3 Man: HAAAAAAAAALP!!!

(Taurus Fire picks up 3 Man and the Smiling Ghost, one in each hand!)

Joel: How’s it feel? Comfortable? No? Let me squeeze a little tighter then! Mmmmrgh!

3 Man: Eeep… #1… you’re… our only hope…

Smarter Than the Average Bear: (appearing from behind the bushes) Derr, hi everyone!

Wolf: What in the hell is that ugly thing?!

Elec: It’s… some kind of picture with a man’s head embedded in it?

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Durrrr… my name is Smarter Than! I am just an average bear. Only SMARTER!

The Smiling Ghost: EEEeee… wh-what are you doing… #1…?! H-help…

Smarter Than the Average Bear: OH! Okay… dehhh… I GOT IT! My super power… is that I am really smart! 5-N-@-L-2-!-#-Q… spells SMART! Prepare to be outsmarted, Blue Shift team!

Cancer Bubble: Ha. Bring it on, buku.

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Dur, okay. This is a question for the big red bull! Okay, errrr… here goes! What is 2 + 2?

Taurus: AHHH! NOooO! DOn’T mAaAkE mE HaVvE tOo coUNt!!! NOOOOOooooooooo!!! STOoP!!!

Joel: Taurus, BE QUIET. 2 + 2 = 4.

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Huh? It is? Derr, WOW! I learned something today!

The Smiling Ghost: …

3 Man: …

Blue Shift: …

Smarter Than the Average Bear: …But your answer is wrong! Dehh… I asked “what is 2 + 2.” And 2 + 2 is none other than… A MATH PROBLEM! So HA-HA! You’ve been outsmarted! *pulls out the Photoshop mouse, and uses the blur tool on Joel!*

Joel: …wha?! *the two officers fall right out of his hands* GET BACK HERE! *attempts to punch the officers, only for his fist to travel right through them!

Blue Shift: …?!

The Smiling Ghost: Wow, #1… I never thought I’d say this, but GOOD JOB! Thanks! Turning him into a cloud of mist like that…

3 Man: YEAH! Now who else wants some?! How about you, skeleton?

Crown Thunder: …um… *opens his cloak, promptly flashing the officers* CLIMB!

3 Man: Argh! The sunlight reflecting off all his shiny gadgets..!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Derr, let’s draw a censor block on him!

The Smiling Ghost: Or better yet… *with the mouse, he selects a rectangular portion of Crown Thunder’s body… and deletes it!*

Crown Thunder: EEEEEEEE! *falls over on whatever is left of his back* It’s a good thing I’m technically not alive to begin with… ugh…

The Smiling Ghost: You expected that same old flashing trick to work on us again? No, we didn’t forget you, skeleton!

Elec: …Wait a minute. You wouldn’t happen to be those three incompetent Satella underlings we encountered before, would you?

3 Man: YEAH! I mean… YEAH! I mean, not incompetent, but… YEAH!

Elec: Well, you best look behind you then. It’s that old detective creep you were with before, and he is driving an ice cream truck.

3 Man: C-C-C-Copper?!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Ice cream?!

(All three officers turn around)

The Smiling Ghost: Wait… there’s nothing here!

3 Man: B-but, she said there was Copper driving an ice cream truck… maybe we have to look harder!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Derr, maybe the ice cream truck is in disguise! Like… durr, that rock over there maybe?

3 Man: Hm… we ought to take a closer look at this so-called “rock!”

The Smiling Ghost: No… I think this was all a diversion!

(The three officers are then knocked face-first into the ground by a large sonic boom, the shock wave resulting from Elec slashing at the air)

Elec: I’ll be taking this. *goes to pick up the mouse, but…*

3 Man: *flies forward and snatches the mouse* HAH! Forgetting I can fly, and fast, huh?! *Applies the emboss filter on Wolf Woods*

Elec: *now unable to move* …mmmph!

Cancer Bubble: Elec! And all my other teammates, buku… that’s it! ANGRY CRAB GOOOOOOO!!! Take this! *Creates a tidal wave that temporarily traps each officer in a bubble* And this! *flings his claws as boomerangs at the officers, cutting them up good!*

3 Man: AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: NO! Not the tie!

The Smiling Ghost: This crab monster is insane!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Durr… the only thing more insane than a little crab monster… is another little crab monster!

3 Man: …That’s it! Copy and Paste! *And thus, he did… and another Cancer Bubble was created!*

The Smiling Ghost: What the… BAD MOVE! We don’t need another one..!

Cancer Clone: … *begins attacking the real Cancer Bubble*

The Smiling Ghost: …We should consider ourselves lucky it knew who it was supposed to attack.

Cancer Bubble: What a cheap imitation, buku. *begins beating up the clone… badly* I am the great and mighty ORIGINAL Cancer Bubble! Accept no substitutes!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Derrrr… it’s not doing so well! Maybe I should give it super powers too! *applies the Find Edges filter on the clone*

Creepy Cancer Clone: …

Cancer Bubble: …KILL IT!

Cancer tore the creepy looking clone to pieces… but not before the Officers pasted even more creepy looking clones in front of him!

Creepy Cancer Clones: …

Cancer Bubble: Hiyaaaaaaaaaa!!! *Assumes a Kung-fu stance, then proceeds to cut, splash, and smash various clones*

3 Man: We need more!

(The number of Creepy Cancer Clones is doubled!)

  Creepy Cancer Clones: …

An epic battle raged on! Cancer Bubble vs. a legion of fakers. Clone after clone fell to the true crab’s amazing Kung-fu skills; however, it wasn’t long until Cancer Bubble became exhausted…

(The last clone falls)

Cancer Bubble: Huff… *collapses to his knees*

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Derr… I think we might have won!

3 Man: YAY! The forces of good triumph once again!

The Smiling Ghost: I can’t believe it… we really did it!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Dur, what do we do now?

3 Man: TO THE PIZZA PLACE! If we complete our original mission, Copper will love us again!

The Smiling Ghost: But shouldn’t we arrest these guys first?

(3 Man and Smarter Than the Average Bear are already flying away! …Yes, Smarter Than can fly too, apparently.)

Smarter Than the Average Bear: We’re leaving without yooooooooooooooooou!

The Smiling Ghost: HEY! Wait! *flies up after them*

Joel: HEY! Get back here… *floats* ugh! Damn it, why must it be so hard to move as a blurry, cloud-like… thing?

Elec: Mmmmph! *twitches, as if attempting to break out of her embossed outer shell*

Cancer Bubble: …buku…

Crown Thunder: Aw, why can’t the bad guys win for once?

Wolf: Cursed good guys and their deus-ex machina..!

Taurus: …thAt tHeY sToOolLE fRoMm uSs… MOOOOOOOoooooooooo…

Elec: MMMMPH! *manages to break free from the embossed shell!*

Cancer Bubble: HOORAY!

Crown: So, what to do now?

Cancer Bubble: We plot our REVENGE, buku!

Joel: Easy for you to say, ya miserable little crab! Unlike the rest of us, you aren’t trapped in a pathetic, helpless, worthless Photoshopped form while the cheating Satella goons have the only device capable of changing us back!

Wolf: Excuse me? GRRRRR! Elec and I aren’t helpless, you… you… EVAPORATING HAMBURGER!!!

Joel: You’re magenta. Same thing.

Wolf: GRRRR! *bites Joel*

Joel: …That it? I didn’t feel a thing. Point proven: magenta = PATHETIC!

Elec: You didn’t feel a thing because you are now made of a condensed mist, you freakin’ genius.

Cancer Bubble: I just wonder… where did that crazy Adobe Photoshoppy mousey thingy come from?

Elec: Oh! I forgot to mention… Crown and I… we kinda witnessed it transform from an ordinary copied Photoshop CD.

Joel: Huh?! Too weird, man… too weird! Wonder how that could have happened?

Elec: Hm…

*FLASHBACK!*

Elec: …Fork it over!

Crown Thunder: ‘K! Into my collection of shiny things I goooooooooo! *pulls out an exceptionally shiny fork from one side of his cloak, and reaches it into the other side. He then pulls out a copied Photoshop CD, secured between the prongs of the fork*

*END FLASHBACK!*

Elec: Hmmm… the fork..? *to Crown Thunder* HEY YOU! Take out that fork, NOW!

Crown Thunder: Well, baby, taking an interest in my vast fork collection, I see? VERY WELL! Allow me to be your guide into THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF FORKS!! Okay, first, we have… *pulls out a gold-colored fork from his cloak* This one here is the—

Elec: You idiot, that’s not the one! I want the one you used to hand me the Photoshop CD!

Crown Thunder: Young lady, it’s rude to interrupt during class! As I was saying, this one here is the prized fork that belonged to King Fettuccini XVI of Yumland. The museum I stole it from states that he slew the Demon Snowman with it after he used it to eat a giant pepper that was so hot it could kill any other man! And this next fork *takes out a fork with a ruby embedded in it* is said to make any dish it touches taste like strawberries—

(Elec tackles Crown Thunder to the ground, and begins going through his fork collection, tossing many of them away in the process)

Crown Thunder: NOOOOOO! The forks… they are like my children! THEY HAVE FEELINGS! STOPPPP!!! *sobs* PLEASE! *sobs* LEAVE THEM ALOOOOOOOONE! *sobs some more*

Elec: Got it! *holds up the exceptionally shiny fork!*

Cancer Bubble: VICTORYYYY!!! *dances*

Joel: Okay… so what do you plan on doing with the fork? Stab those goons? Like you can’t do that with your claws?

Elec: Oh, you’ll see…

Later that day, at Satella HQ…

Copper: Well I’ll be… so you stooges really did secure the pizza parlor!

3 Man: YUP! So can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeease let us back on to the force now please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Mr. Copper sir?!

Copper: Hmmm… I’ll have to think about it. This just screams “dumb luck” to me. Not to mention, if you didn’t have that unidentified weapon on your side… you wouldn’t have stood a chance against those Jammers.

The Smiling Ghost: Please… um, sir… we have proven ourselves well with this mouse-like weapon! We are unstoppable… please, we will not disappoint you, sir…

Copper: Oh, you three have disappointed me on at least 425.3 separate occasions. Besides, we higher-ups will need to hold on to the unidentified weapon and analyze it so that we may discover its origins…

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Durr! I know what will make you consider! *with the mouse, he draws a rainbow afro on Copper*

Copper: …

The Smiling Ghost: #1… NO! Bad move, bad move…

Copper: … *walks on over to the mirror*

3 Man: Uh oh, UH OH…

Copper: … *looks in the mirror* …

Smarter Than the Average Bear: …

The Smiling Ghost: …

3 Man: …

Copper: …I LOVE IT! Oh man, I haven’t had hair like this since the 7X’s! WELCOME BACK TO THE FORCE, YOU THREE!

Officers: YAY!

Copper: Okay… now that you are all working under me again, I have a mission for you three. District Q of downtown Time Square has been evacuated due to a mass EM virus outbreak. While I have been called to investigate another Z-wave anomaly elsewhere, I need you three to go to town and eradicate any and all viruses that plague the area. Are my orders clear?

Officers: SIR YES SIR!

Copper: Move out!

Some time later in the deserted District Q of downtown Time Square…

Metools: MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP!

Metool: Meep! *smashes a fire hydrant with its pickaxe*

Another Metool: Meep! *Inside the comp space of a parking meter, causing it to spit out coins rapidly, all of which end up breaking the windows of nearby buildings*

More Metools: MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP! *causing all sorts of damage*

(The three officers arrive)

3 Man: Not so fast, monsters!

Metool: Meep?

The Smiling Ghost: EAT THIS! *uses the spherize effect on the met, causing it to blow up like a balloon*

Metool: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep… *floats up, up and away*

Smarter Than the Average Bear: AND THIS! *selects a bunch of mets and uses ripple on them, causing them to become liquid-like*

Metools: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… *they flow down into a roadside drain*

3 Man: Hehe! This is fun! We’ll have the block free in no time!

Joel: Not if we have anything to say about it!

The Smiling Ghost: So, the aliens are back? No problemo, let’s just finish this and arrest ‘em!

Cancer Bubble: Think you can take down the almighty Cancer Bubble and his team? Go on. Amuse me, buku! SHOW US WHAT YA GOT!

Smarter Than the Average Bear: Durr, OKAY! *uses fragment on Cancer Bubble*

Cancer Bubble: ASDFDSDGFKDJKLDFGJFLKDGMSLKDFJSLKDFJSdfkljdslfk?!

Elec: GRR! That’s it…

3 Man: Yup, that’s it for you. TEE-HEE!

3 Man goes to Photoshop Elec, however…

Elec: *pulls out a floating keyboard that bears the Notepad icon and begins typing all over the officers!*

Officers: What the?! AHHH!!!

Crown Thunder: KEKEKEKEKEKEKE! My turn! *pulls out a floating mouse that bears the Powerpoint icon, and uses is to make the officers fly about and spin around, just like when the text appears on the screen during those presentations… complete with cheesy sound effects!*

Officers: *ZOOM* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO— *they crash into the side of a building*

Cancer Bubble: SDFSDgdfsglsdfjlskdfjsdfsd!!! *pulls out a floating gamepad that bears the Doom logo… a rocket launcher then appears in front of Cancer Bubble from his perspective, and with it, he fires a rocket in the direction of the officers…*

*BOOM!!!*

The rocket struck the Officers’ Photoshop mouse! With its destruction, all of its effects have been reverted. The officers, meanwhile, have been thrown back by the blast.

Crown: I CAN SEE! *charges towards the nearest abandoned magazine shop* It’s been too long… come to daddy!

Crown Thunder: Kukukuku! *runs after his FM-ian*

Elec: Ugh… *howls, summoning EM wolf viruses that tear apart said magazine shop and every magazine in it*

Crown Thunder and Crown: …MEANIECAKES!!!

Cancer Bubble: It feels good being a normal crab again, buku! But what to do with these guys… *looks towards the officers on the ground up ahead*

Joel: Mrrrrgh! *charges in the direction of the officers*

Officer #1: (getting up from the ground) Oooooh… derr, I think I have a boo-boo on my head… can somebody kiss it to make it feel better?

Officer #2: (shaking) N-no time for that! Giant cow monster..!

Officer #3: RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

The officers tried to run… only to be sent flying far off into the sky by the rampaging bull (who soon crashed into some building himself).

Taurus: Moooooooooooo… oh well. All’s well that ends well?

Wolf: Indeed… I love this magical fork!

Cancer Bubble: Imagine all the other computer programs we can bring to the real world with it, buku! OOH! Maybe Firefox? Or Solitaire perhaps? OH! Why not AIM?! Minesweeper too. Definitely Minesweeper! Explosions are SO fun, buku. *raises the exceptionally shiny fork high up into the air* I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Out of nowhere, a metool then falls out of the sky!

Metool: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee…

In fact, it was the very same metool the officers spherized earlier!

Metool: …eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

The metool landed helmet-first onto the fork, denting it beyond repair! With that, all the programs that were brought to the real world changed back into regular CDs…

Blue Shift: …

Metool: M-m-m-m-m-meep?!

Wolf: …YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE! GRRRRRRRR! *barks ferociously at the metool*

Metool: MEEP! *runs away*

Taurus: MOOO, YOU BETTER RUN! *shakes fist*

Elec: Well, this is a complete and total disappointment!

Cancer Bubble: Tell me about it, buku… OH WELL! There’s always tomorrow. A villain’s work is never done! Now come, everyone! More scheming awaits!

Crown Thunder: … *picks up the crushed remains of the fork* Why must the good die young… WHY?!!! *cries uncontrollably*

And so, the day was saved by some metool that fell from the sky, thus putting a stop to Blue Shift’s evil plan to destroy the world using computer software. Or something like that. Whatever. Let’s just end this thing already!

- The End -