Cosmos in...
Dawn of the Cosmos (Part 2)
By Avi (Gemini Spark) and Xima (Libra Scales)

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Meanwhile, not too far away…

Officer #1: Derrrrrr, I think I heard footsteps!

Copper: Footsteps… you heard the aliens’ footsteps!?

(The rest of the officers prime their suckbusters)

Copper: Show no mercy! …Um, where did you hear the footsteps coming from anyway, Officer?

Officer #1: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight heeeeeeeeere!

Copper: Here… you mean, where we are right now? You mean… the aliens… walk among us!? …YOU! *points to another officer*

Officer #2: Me?

Copper: You are the one member of my three-man stooge squad who is almost… just almost… competent. That’s not natural for my underlings! SO FESS UP... alien scum! You are practically surrounded by Z-waves!

Officer #2: Whoa whoa whoa… sir… enough with the accusations!

Officer #1: Actually, hehe… about those footsteps… it was OUR footsteps that I heard! *receives vacant stares from the rest of the squad* So … you could be the alien, #2!

Officer #2: What? No! As for the Z-waves… I’m surrounded by metool viruses! LOOK!

Metools: Meep meep meep!

Officers #1 and #3: EEK! *nervously, they raise their suckbusters*

Officer #2: So… how do you use this weapon anyway?

Copper: What? You’ve… got to be kidding. How are you even on the force?!

Officer #2: I’ve only been trained in the use of firearms, sir, not this thing…

Officer #1: OOH! I KNOW! Maybe you are supposed to whack the enemies with it! *attemps to whack the mets with his suckbuster, only to hit Officer #3*

Officer #3: OW! Duuuuuuude… THAT HURT!

Metool #1: Meep?

Metools #2 and #3: Meep.

(Eventually, the Metools, bored, just bounced away on their own.)

Copper: You dolts! You couldn’t even catch those measly, pathetic, low-level EM viruses?! GAH! I don’t know what the chief was thinking when he assigned such pitiful underlings to me! I swear, you couldn’t even catch a cold in a snot-filled pool of sickly people!

Officer #1: HEY! Derrrrr, I’ve caught a cold before! Many times, in fact! I’ll prove it too! Next time I get sick, I’ll come into work just to show you all!

Officer #3: Oh, man, please do! I wanna see your cold! And maybe I’d be able to catch a cold of my own that way too! We’ll catch more colds than the entire police force can handle!

Copper: … *facepalm*

(Suddenly, the light on Copper’s head begins blinking furiously!)

Copper: We’re near them now… the ginormous source of the Z-waves! The aliens must be nearby… after them, men!

Officer #1: Dehhh, okay. We won’t disappoint you, sir! *salutes, poking himself in the eye* Ow.

Copper: Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you won’t. (Hoooo, boy. No way this can be good… at least, if the aliens did do these guys in, maybe the chief will have some sense to give me better henchmen…)

Which brings us back to our land-faring travelers on their way to the rendezvous.

Crown Thunder: I spy with my little eye, somethiiiiiiiing… red. And shiny! Must take a closer look! *runs after the blinking red light he sees in the distance (which, unbeknownst to him, belongs to a certain crazed detective), leaving the rest of the team behind*

Avi-B: No… we can’t make our presence known!

Gemini: Who cares. Just kill the pathetic humans already!

Avi-W: Much as I’d love to, my lesser half actually has a point. Do you want attention drawn to our plans? At least… to OUR plans – you know, us ‘Sparks?

Gemini: Huh?

Avi-W: Let the talking Christmas tree have his fun with the humans. As for us, we shall retreat to the wave roads. Come!

Avi-B: But the poor Christmas tree… I feel bad leaving it all alone, barely able to fend for itself… armed only with its decorations to face the cruel wood chipper of human society… Besides, there are no waveholes around here…

Avi-W: Well I don’t feel bad! Christmas was three months ago, and you don’t leave your decorations out for that long! YOU GET RID OF THEM! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! …Oh, and waveholes. Who cares if there are none around here? Guess I’ll just have to make one then. WHEEEEEE~

Gemini: What? You can’t do that; it goes against all logic!

Avi-W: Well screw you, and screw logic! I’m better than logic!

Avi-W creates a wave hole… somehow… and the twins, along with Gemini, use it to ascend into the sky, where the wave roads are located. As they use the roads to reach their destination, the newly formed wave hole soon disappears, as if it wasn’t even there to begin with.

Cygnus: Just leave without us then! We don’t need you anyhow!

Martyr: …

(Without a word, Martyr and Cygnus form into Cygnus Wing!)

Martyr: …

Cygnus: Oh… heh. Wave change. Forgot all about that! But since we’re in this form, maybe we should take Gemini’s suggestion and kill the humans after all, whaddya say?!

Martyr: … *flies away, off in the direction of the warehouse*

Cygnus: Nono, wrong way, WRONG WAY! OTHER WAY! How dare you disobey your master, you insolent… little… *they disappear over the horizon*

Elec: …hmph. Guess that leaves us to hand that little bonehead his face on a platter before he gets us into any more trouble. Come on, Wolf.

Wolf Woods charged after Crown Thunder. Along the way, she reverted to human form, with Wolf hiding in her transer.

Not too far away, with the Satella Police… the sound of jingle bells could be heard, growing ever louder…

Officer #1: Durrr, it’s Santa Claus, SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!

Officer #3: OOH! I want a pony, and a Nintendo DS, and an inkjet printer, and a new baby brother, and a flat screen TV, and a bike helmet, and a pair of socks, and a milk jug, and a lamp, and an air conditioner, and a waste basket, and a…

Officer #2: Guys… I don’t think that’s Santa… it must be the alien!

Crown Thunder: *jumps out of the bushes, as the jingle bells in his cloak make quite the noise* …BOO! KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!!! *juggles his head around*

All Officers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! A GHOST!!!

No sooner did the officers run in fear, until the ghastly alien was out of their sight. A ways back, they found Detective Copper, and promptly huddled behind him, in fear.

Officer #3: We saw a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g…!!

Copper: A gundam? A great white shark? A garage? A grandma? A what? What are you babies getting so worked up over!?

Officer #2: A… ghost, sir…

Copper: What a bunch of sissies. *he takes #2’s suckbuster* Let me show you all how a real officer handles this!

-Xima writes-

Over with Crown, he had only just gotten back on the road, and was stopped pretty much just as fast he left, met with what was the odd scene of one Officer Copper staring slack-jawed at the--wait, what? Is that a skeleton in a stripper coat? what the hell, man. What the hell. ...Anyway... as an FM-ian he would most certainly recognize hid inside another’s transer, what appeared to be his (its?) partner looking unconcerned.

Crown Thunder: OH HEY GUYS HOW'S IT GOIIIIIN'!?

Copper: HOLY CRAP A TALKING ALIEN IN A FLASHER COAT!

Crown Thunder: MY LOVE ROCKET CLIIIIIIIIIIMB! *He promptly flashes all the shiny junk in his coat at Copper, the others trying their very best to ignore the stripper-skeleton*

Copper: GOOD LORD MY EEEEEYES!

The group of Elec and Crown took the initiative, with Copper temporarily blinded by the dead-guy-dick to RUN LIKE IT WAS HOT DAWG. By the time Copper caught his bearings they were all long-gone, none asking any questions as to what the Hell just happened, thinking it wise to just... ignore that whole flashing bit.

Which is how that little group ended up barreling through the open door of the Warehouse, closing it behind them with God-speed.

Cancer Bubble: Wolf! Crown! You're here, buku!

Wolf: Not now, you creepy little thing. The Satella's awful suspicious right now, and I'm not tempted to catch their attention.

Wolf took this to be a good time to go ahead and pop out of Elec's Transer, looking a fair bit annoyed.

Wolf: Grr, that was seriously annoying.

Elec: You're telling me. I just got saved by a skeleton in a flasher coat.

... Not much more can be said about that.

Anyway, the group had all the fun of going ahead and... talking while they waited for the final members to go ahead and show up, all more or less at the same time.

-Avi and Xima write-

Jammer #1: Oh, hi everyone! We are your nameless henchmen! I am Jammer #1!

Jammer #2: And I am Jammer #2!

Jammer #3: And I am Jammer #3!

…Yeah. No one cares about them. Moving on.

Jammer #45: And I am Jammer #45!

Jammer #46: And I am Jammer #46!

I said MOVING ON. Eventually, Vok, AKA Libra Scales, arrives at the warehouse.

Vok: OH HAI GAIZ. Make way, the man with the huge, metal scales filled with fire and water craves sustenance.

Then Martyr arrived…

Martyr: …

He sure has a way with words… yeah. Joel was the next to arrive.

Joel: Taurus… I thought you said there would be crab legs here. But I don’t see any at the buffet table!

Taurus: Oh, there are crab legs… mooahahahahahahaha.

Joel: Where?

Taurus: Riiiiiiiight there. *points to Cancer Bubble*

Cancer Bubble: Buku?

Joel: …wow. I must say, he looks even tastier in person!

Cancer Bubble: *takes a mound of jello from the buffet table and throws it at Joel* Bwahahahahaha.

Joel: … *Now covered in gelatin, he begins to tense up, twitching at every turn, as his face begins to turn red!* WHY… YOU…

Taurus: Mooooo? Looks like you made my host angry, runt. Guess this is where the real fun begins!

Taurus approaches Joel, the latter of whose rage is ignited as the two explode into the form known as Taurus Fire!

Joel: TAURUS FIRE… SMASH!

Cancer Bubble: Red Bull gives you wings! And a noticeable drop in intelligence also, buku.

Joel: What was that, squirt? I’m no dumber than before; however, as I am very angry right now, and I have just transformed, the opportunity to act like The Incredible Hulk couldn’t pass me by. But, I digress. DIE! *charges at Cancer*

(Taurus Fire charges towards Cancer Bubble, who agilely dodges, leaving the former to crash headfirst into the wall.)

Jammer #8: Hey! Don’t wreck the place now- *is sent flying by a certain charging bull* YAAAAAAAAAAALP!

Cancer Bubble: *rapidly jumping all over* Nyeh nyeh, can’t catch me!

Joel: I’m at the top of the food chain, fool! As a wise man once said, “Get in my belly!” Sage wisdom, there. So, you best listen, m’kay?

Cancer Bubble: …Top of the food chain? Bulls are herbivores, y’know.

Libra: STOP! You two are upsetting the balance of this congregation!

Joel continues chasing Cancer Bubble across the warehouse. A royal mess is made as food products now adorned the floor (along with a few hapless Jammers who happened to get in the way of the charging Taurus Fire). However, everybody soon grows to ignore the ruckus as the Gemini Spark twins enter the room.

Avi-B: (with a trumpet, struggling to sound a fanfare) Um… yeah… everyone, please make way for her royal awesomeness, the one, the only… other me. *sighs*

A few of the dumber Jammers: Wooo! Woooooo! YAY!!!

Avi-W: (shoving Avi-B out of the way) Thank you, my adoring fans. *pulls out a whip, and strikes each of the nearby Jammers* Now prepare my throne, or be executed at sundown!

Jammers: YES MA’AM!

Wolf: Okay… now that everyone is here, shouldn’t we take the initiative to LOCK THE DAMN DOOR!? If you morons didn’t hear me the first time, THE SATELLA IS ON OUR TAIL!

Crown Thunder: The whaaaaaaaaat?

Wolf: THOSE IDIOTS WHO YOU JUST FLASHED!

Vok: Yes, I believe you're talking about the Satella Police. A government organization charged with maintaining order in the wave world by deleting EM viruses and the link. Including aliens. My condolences. They're gonna go Ghostbuster on your ass, more than likely.

Gemini: I RESENT THAT!

Elec: So they were the Satella Police… meh, they seemed but a minor annoyance to me.

Libra: Human, why aren’t you in wave form!? The rest of us are, so all you are doing is tampering with the balance of—

Vok: Libra, kindly refrain from bad-mouthing your team-mates. Perhaps I should go ahead and replace that URL from four to seven? You know. to the GOOD one.

Libra: EEP! No, no, no… no… *whimpering*

Crown: Hmm? This website… is it porn?

Libra: No… much, MUCH worse! I… can’t even begin to describe the pure, unbalanced insanity that lurks inside! I’d rather look at those disgusting images of naked humans than… whatever it was that Vok was looking at earlier! *shudders* Alas, my poor brain cells…

Vok: Do FM-ians even HAVE brains? Much less a corporeal form.

Crown: ... Love rocket?

Elec: I’d say whatever this crap is that the strange old man with the scales looks at is more to worry about than the Satella Police.

Vok: Old man? I find that fairly insulting, madam. Don’t judge a book by its cover. The Satella agents you encountered are probably among the lowest ranked… bear in mind, Satella is a global organization. DEY EVERYWHERRRRRE, man. And somewhere among the ranks… may very well be a threat to our operations.

Ophiuca: So, even if these lower goons found us, they could report back to central HQ, and then… safe to say, they’d be after our necks.

Crown Thunder: So let’s lock the door! I don’t think they’ll be able to break in, since their only weapons are, of all things, VACUUM CLEANERS!

Vok: Well, that's certainly an interesting weapon. Bear in mind, though, that those are meant to tear away code and replace it with what they please. If used correctly, those vacuum-like things could render the deadliest of EM attacks into harmless puffs of smoke. Although judging by how you're bad-mouthing, those things are probably actually real vacuums, with the interesting habit of shoving genetalia into there, thus clogging the hell out of the thing. Wait, what the fuck did I just say? Seriously.

Ophiuca: ... Right. Then, that should at least buy us some time, if nothing else… *checks the front door* wait a minute, I think we’d need a key or something to lock this…

Crown Thunder: So it’s a key you want, sweet maiden? Kukukuku, anything for you, Lady Ophiscus… *he searches the inside of his cloak full of shiny things for a key, and out he pulls… a card…?* Here, dear Ophiscus, is the key to my heart. …CLIMB!

Ophiuca: O-PHIU-CA. (whacks Crown Thunder with her flute, and snatches the card) This is… a Navi Card? Eh, guess it will have to do.

They activated the card, and in a flash, a navi is summoned! In this futuristic world, navis are artificial EM beings designed to perform everyday tasks that people are otherwise much too lazy to perform themselves.

Keyman: Open sesame! OPEN SESAME! Keyman, at your service! I just can’t wait to open some doors! Oooooh, boy, tee-hee! I’m getting all giddy with glee just thinking about it!

Vok: Silence, we don't care and nobody loves you. Now get over there and-

Keyman: Oh oh oh, don’t say a word. I know what you are going to ask! *Approaches the door to the ladies’ room* Ooooh, this is locked good alright. NOT A PROBLEM! Tee-hee, I’ve never been in a ladies’ bathroom before. This is why I LOVE opening doors, you’ll always find something new on the other side!

Crown Thunder and Crown: You said it! *Crown Thunder high-fives Keyman*

Ophiuca: ..!!

Keyman: Now all I need is a password, AND A WORLD OF WONDERS SHALL AWAIT! I’m so excited! All you have to do is enter the passcode into my navi card and TA-DA! Now, here’s the hint for the password. It’s the number of light bulbs on the ceiling in this very room!

Jammer #33: Ooh! Is it 33? My favorite number!

Jammer #65: No, it’s gotta be 65. No number is more superior than the almighty 65.

Jammer #16: Or… 27? Oh, how I wish I was #27, and not #16…

Keyman: Keep trying!

Crown Thunder: CLIMB.

Jammer #12: “CLIMB” isn’t a number. Unlike 12.

Jammer #CLIMB: Say what?

Keyman: Keep guessing! Or better yet, just look above you, and count the lights! You can do this!

Ophiuca: NO! …er… that is not the door we are interested in. The one we have our eyes on is the front door.

Keyman: But… but… that’s already open…

Cygnus: We need you to lock it.

Keyman: …huh? What did you say?

Avi-B: Yeah… someone is going to try and break in any minute, so please…

Keyman: Please what!?

Avi-W: Just lock the door already, you insolent buffoon!

*Keyman jolts, taking on a shocked expression*

Keyman: B--but I don't lock doors! I open them! Open! Not close! Ope-

Avi-W: Shut up and lock it you ADD-suffering weirdo! Do you WANT to get busted by the cops, only to spend the rest of your life in a cell, feeding on nothing but stale bread and rat droppings?

Keyman: Wha… they wouldn’t arrest me, and if they did, I could easily open the cell door and escape! Something I’d much rather do than CLOSE a door, thank you very much!

Avi-B: Umm... Keyman, please lock the door! If you don't we'll all get caught!

Libra: The balance of our entire operation depends on it!

*Keyman looks around the room nervously, battling with himself for a moment, before taking on a determined expression.*

Keyman: No! I'm not to blame here! I’M A GOOD LITTLE BOY! They won't do anything to me, and I'll bet you all did something bad!

Avi-W: *W charges her electric blades, placing them dangerously close to the Navi's neck* If you don't lock that door right now, I'll just have to cut open your thick skull, get out that giant key lodged in it, and lock it myself, you hear?

Keyman: ...EEEEE! You can't do that! Oh, no no NO!

Avi-W: Mm... good point. I can’t use the key like that. I do suppose I would first have peel whatever bit of brain you have off of said key and feed it to the dog. *motions to Wolf*

Keyman: ...*shaking* … Okay. Fine… but um… the lock is one of them electronic lock thing-a-ma jigs, and the key in my head is not only an older key, but it is only there to make me look cool, so, I don’t think it would work on the—

Avi-W: Look, pal, do you want me to spare your miserable life or not?

Keyman: NO! …I mean yes! Oh, I thought you said “spear” my life, like you were going to stab me—

Avi-W: …which, mind you, I WILL do if you don’t shut up and get to work.

Keyman: EEEeeee… okay ma’am! But in order to lock the door, I will need a password. So here’s the hint! It’s the number of chairs in this room, divided by the number of pimples on that guy’s forehead *points to Martyr* times the amount of Reese’s Pieces left in that there bowl on the table, plus the number of seconds it took me to explain this hint!

(The COSMOS members give Keyman intimidating looks)

Keyman: Hey! Like I said, I OPEN doors, not close, so of course I’m going to give you all a harder password!

(They begin to close in on the intimidated Keyman!)

Keyman: FINE! The password is the meaning of life… in number form! But that’s the easiest hint you will be getting from me.

(Much chatter among the room)

Martyr: ...Forty-two.

Keyman: *blink blink* Wat.

Vok: Mister Martyr said forty-two, you ignorant little creature. A number which I like very, very much.

Keyman: W-- w-- what!? How did you get it right on the first try!?

Vok: I don't care, it does not matter, Martyr already knew the answer, it would seem. Now get to work, you pitiful creature.

Keyman: *sniff* The lock… is secured… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Avi-W: Awwwww, does da widdle baby need his bottle-wottle?

Avi-B: There are bottles of punch at the refreshment table if you want…

Keyman: …You… BIG STINKY DOO-DOO BRAINS! Opening doors is my life! *sob* Closing them goes against all that I live for! HOW DARE YOU, YOU BIG BULLIES! I’m gonna tell an adult!

(With that, Keyman teleported away, sobbing uncontrollably.)

Cygnus: Phew. Now that that’s all done with, let’s introduce ourselves! I am Cygnus… the Magnificent Swan! Gaze in awe at my graceful elegance.

Martyr: ...

Cygnus: And this is my partner, Gram Beneal. Also answers to “Martyr.” And he is the very epitome of BAD-ASS. Hence, why I chose to fuse with him! Well, Gram, why don’t you spread those wings? Show them all your pure badassery!

Martyr: …Go shove your face in a meat grinder.

Cygnus: Bad ass… pain in the ass… whatever! One of these days, I’ll have full control over this host body! One of these daaaaaaays!

Gemini: Don’t complain. You have it better than I do these days, Cygs. Most of the time, I’m not even allowed to speak—

Avi-W: Quiet, you! You’ve just lost speaking privileges for next two weeks! Aaaaanyway… I am Avi.

Avi-B: And I am also Avi.

Avi-W and Avi-B: AND TOGETHER WE ARE AVI!

Avi-W: And yet, I, the White half, am the one more entitled to the Avi name. When we became Gemini Spark, all my best qualities were poured into this body, while all the useless emotions such as kindness, empathy, and all that other crap was poured into… that abomination over there.

Avi-B: Yeah… the only reason she keeps me around is because we effectively act as one being, allowing for a tactical advantage in any combat-type situation… and as much as she hates to admit it, we are both very much a part of one another.

Avi-W: That, and she makes a great footstool, punching bag, and table. So, if anybody wants to use her for any of those aforementioned things, feel free! Also, I am always looking for suggestions for new ways to actually make her useful! So, drop me a note, and I’ll consider it. *Sticks a suggestion box onto the wall* Mwehehehehe.

Avi-B: Any way I can be useful to you all, I’d be glad to be of assistance!

Crown: Now, allow me to introduce my host. I do not know his name, but what I do know, is that he is some dead kid.

Libra: …you merged with a dead guy again? WHY!? Here we all are with live host bodies, and you, with a smelly rotten corpse you dug up… consider the balance of our ranks for once, cadaver boy!

Crown: Huh. You all said we could find any human host, so what? I was feeling too lazy chase down a live human, so I went with the other kind. There is no better human than a dead one, I say!

Gemini: …I actually agree with you there.

Crown Thunder: And for the record, I’m not a rotten corpse, I’m a ghost!

Crown: Meh. Whatever. Same thing.

Joel: And me? The name’s Joel, computer programmer, roboticist, and crab meat enthusiast! Now somebody help me catch this pesky little- *Cancer Bubble jumps on top of his head* UGH!

Cancer Bubble: (standing on Taurus Fire’s head) I claim this rock in the name of CANCER BUBBLE! The best FM-ian there is!

Joel: That’s it. I’ll shish kabob you on my horns with a side of lemon! *Grabs a lemon from the buffet table in one fist and raises the other… but stops as he feels something being pounded into his skull!*

(Cancer Bubble is holding a flagpole, which bears a banner showing the image of his own crabby face! He continues attempting to lodge it into the poor guy’s head.)

Cancer Bubble: (still pounding) Ack… get… in… damn you! Phew… this guy has a reeeeally thick skull, buku.

(Joel manages to shake the crab off, as he drops the flagpole to the floor.)

Cancer Bubble: Oh well, too bad. At least I had fun!

Joel: Get back here, you!

(And thus, the bull and crab chase continues)

Libra: Vok, your turn to introduce yourself.

Vok: Greetings all, I am Vok Marchen, former Insurance worker. I hope that we will work well together, and I strongly suggest that you do not look over my shoulder when I am on a computer, lest it is of great importance.

Elec: And… ‘alo. I’m Elec. Now… go away.

Cygnus: Guess that about covers everybody. …Oh wait! Ophiuca! Aren’t you going to introduce your host?

Ophiuca: …She’s still in the bathroom. She’ll come out when she’s ready!

Cygnus: Well, whatever. I haven’t the patience to wait, so let’s get down to business without her then!

Ophiuca: Okay…

Taurus: ‘kay…

Martyr: …

Crown: Hmmm…

Wolf: …*chewing on a piece of carpet*

Elec: …

Vok: So…

Cygnus: …I’ve got nothing!

Ophiuca: We really should have planned ahead what we’d actually be discussing at the meeting itself, shouldn’t have we…

Avi-B: Yeah…

Avi-W: …you’re all worthless.

Gemini: GAH! Shouldn’t we at least tell the earthlings that we will be using them to destroy their planet!?

The Earthlings: ..!

Vok: Yeah yeah, gasp ohmygosh etc etc. So?

Gemini: So… search your lonely hearts and recall all the strife this planet has dealt you all throughout your miserable lives—

Avi-W: …You lost your speaking privileges, remember? *Pulls out the whip from before, and whips Gemini a few times* 13 lashes with a wet noodle! And I must say, electricity goes GREAT with wet things! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *whips Avi-B* JOIN ME IN AN EVIL LAUGH!

Avi-B: Ow… um… mwa… ha ha ha?

Avi-W: Not good enough… so PRACTICE, I say! If we are going to doing crazy badguy stuff, you need a good evil laugh!

Taurus: Moooowahahahahahahaha!

Joel: Destroying the world..? As long as this crab goes down with it!

Cancer Bubble: *splashes Joel with his aquatic powers* Bwahahaha!

And so, the FM-ians’ earthling partners eventually agreed to go along with their evil plans… some way, somehow. Why would they agree on something as drastic as destroying the earth, you ask? Well, things wouldn’t be very interesting if they didn’t, now would they? Not everything needs a rational explanation, folks… so back to our story!

Cygnus: Okay, earthlings, now that you know what this gathering is all about… any suggestions?

Crown Thunder: Let’s throw a Halloween party of death! With poison candy, and costumes that conceal hidden weapons, and seizure-inducing strobe lights!

Libra: NOT IN MARCH WE’RE NOT. Ahem. If I may suggest, let’s start by dividing ourselves up into two evenly balanced groups. That way, not only will we have much-needed balance in our operations, we’d be able to cover more ground that way.

Ophiuca: That suggestion… has potential, actually.

Libra: Let’s take our elemental attributes into consideration when splitting up. Gemini, Cygnus, Ophiuca and myself shall make up Team Beautiful Balance, while the rest of you will make up Team Lovely Balance.

Cygnus: Those names… BLECK! I’ve seen better names on the boxes of store-brand cereals!

Crown Thunder: So can we call the teams “Crispy Crunch” and “Berry Blast”?!

Cygnus: …we shall call them Red Shift and Blue Shift! Both are spacey-type terms, by the way. Quite elegant, if I must say so.

Elec: Eh. Good enough, I guess.

Cygnus: Excellent! Now, to decide who leads each team…

Cancer Bubble: OOH! Pick me, pick me!

Cygnus: Fine… you can lead the lesser and not nearly as awesome Blue Shift.

Cancer Bubble: Boss Crab go! *picks up an Oreo cookie, twists it in half, and wears it by sticking the creamy side on his chest* My leader’s badge, buku.

Joel: Crab… leads…!? Ooooooooohwah! *faints*

Cygnus: And as for the one, the only, the glorious, all awesome, all-rawkin’ Red Shift, the almighty leader shall be…

Martyr: …Me.

Cygnus: Martyr?

Martyr: If our operation is to succeed, we will need one with experience, dedication, and above all, cold, calculating competence, so…

Libra: WAIT! Why is the red team led by the blue guy, and the blue team the red? That hardly makes any sense. We need to keep the color codes evenly balanced!

Avi-W: Yeah, sorry, Ugly Duckling. Blue won’t cut it! *Steals the Oreo cookie that Martyr was just about to shove into his mouth* The leader’s badge is mine now! Mwahahahahaha! *twists the Oreo in half, wearing the creamy half of the cookie just as Cancer did, then hands the other half of the cookie to Avi-B*

Avi-B: This side of the Oreo has no cream on it… how am I supposed to wear it as a badge?

Libra: Try balancing it on your head.

Martyr: …*clenches fists, and grumbles*

Libra: Okay… but the color-coding still doesn’t match.

Ophiuca: Look. We’re a group of evil aliens hell-bent on destroying the earth. Color codes are the least of our concerns. What we should think about right now, is where we will be based, since I’m sure the Satella will be all over this warehouse soon enough.

Taurus: Oh, the team I’m on can stay at Joel’s house! It’s all high-tech and crap, and has all the robot slaves you need to do your dirty work!

Crown Thunder: Ooooh! Sounds nice!

Cancer Bubble: Quite, buku!

Avi-B: Um… yeah… maybe you should ask Joel if you’re allowed to stay before you freeload..?

Taurus: Ha ha! He’s still out cold from when he found out that Dinner over there would lead the Blue team! We’re sneaking into his place whether he likes it or not!

Wolf: Heh heh… just imagine the look on his face once he finds we tore his precious little home apart just to make ourselves comfortable!

Cygnus: That settles you Blue simpletons, but where will us Red supreme masters of awesome be based?

Ophiuca: Hm… in my search for a host, I found an empty, vacant house in Echo Ridge. It borders the main road, and a stream that separates it from some fancy condo complex. There is another house right next door to it, but no one important or even noteworthy lives there… so I don’t even know why I am mentioning it, really. Regardless, it doesn’t look like much on the outside, but inside, it bears all the necessities of a super villain base.

Martyr: …

Avi-W and Avi-B: It could work!

Jammers: OOOH! Can we come can we come can we come can we come!?

Vok: I don't see a problem. It never hurts to have possible hostages nearby, or people to bother to curb our boredom.

Jammers: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY- oh.

Libra: Each of our groups shall take an even number of Jammers with which to do as we please. But wait! I see an odd number of Jammers in this room! We can’t divide them into two evenly balanced halves like this!

Vok: … The answer is simple. * A whirling scale suddenly flies at one of the jammers, sending him flying into the wall*

Avi-W: Damn you. You should have just let me cut one of them in half, with each team taking a half!

Elec: So… what now?

Cancer Bubble: I wanna see my new house! Let’s report to our new bases for further scheming, buku. We’ll keep in touch as needed!

Cygnus: So… that’s it?

Avi-B: It looks like that’s it…

Avi-W: …for now.

Avi-W and Avi-B: But until next time, may the POWER of the COSMOS… be with you!

Crown Thunder: YES! YES! YES!

Martyr: …Shut up and die. All of you.

- Fin -