Red Shift in...
The Power is Yours!
By Hunter_Chameleon (Crown Thunder)

Starring...

(It is a fine day at Red Shift. Meaning, the world shall soon be engulfed in DOOM and DESPAIR ! Dun dun duuuuuun !)

Libra: Ah ! Oatmeal ! Part of a balanced breakfast !

Vok: I'll let it slide for once. Could I have the milk, here ?

Martyr: *grabs the milk and Oreos, obviously not willing to share*

Vok: Bah. I'll put orange juice on it instead.

Libra: What ?! This, now, is extremely unbalanced !

Ophiuca: I have to admit, it is quite disgusting. Won't you agree, my dear ? *nudges Silver*

Silver: *sweating* G-get away ! This falls under the Law 45-B on harassment of members of the court !

Vok: *sighs* Sounds like the Party Van will come soon...

(Your usual breakfast. Until...)

Avi-W: *slams the door in* Start moving, you bunch of cookies ! We're gonna have some real action today !

Avi-B: *gently closes the door behind* What she means is, we found something that could help us in the invasion of Earth, so, yeah, come in and listen ... *is smacked by Cygnus* Ow ! Why did you do that ?

Cygnus: I just hadn't appeared yet. How could you live without my magnificious presence ?

Gemini: What about me ?

Cygnus and  Avi-B: *looking around* Huh ? someone talked ?

Gemini: *breaks up and cries*

Avi-W: *ignoring him* ANYWAY. We found a bunch of kids who pretended their jewelry was some kind of weapons.

(To this, the electric duo opens a bag, revealing five rings, coloured and shaped like the natural elements : fire, earth, wind, water and, surprisingly, heart.)

Vok: Rings ? In the name of hackers and steroids, we have built-in blasters and the like, and you want us to use RINGS ?

Avi-W: *slaps Vok* Fool ! These weapons are powered by LOVE and FRIENDSHIP ! Remember how they crushed your precious Andromeda ?

Every FM-ian: *shiver in fear*

Avi-W: And now, a demonstration. *puts on the heart ring, then aims at Avi-B* Nah. It's your lucky day. *aims at Martyr instead*

(The loner was hit by a pink-ish ray. After a few moments, he looks around, bewildered, and the unbelievable happens !)

Martyr: Would any of you fellas fancy some snacks ? *starts handing out Oreos to everyone*

Everyone but Martyr: o_o

Cygnus: I want that ring ! Five of them, even !

Avi-W: Finders, keepers, birdbrain ! But you can have the Water one for all I care.

Silver: It is only reasonable that each of us gets a ring, as well. Any attempt to do otherwise would have to be punished by Detour's law on community services.

Libra: (Finally ! Someone as balanced as me !)

(The sharing went without problem, except that...)

Ophiuca: Hey ! How come you have TWO rings, Avi ?

Avi-W: Don't blame me if I have two bodies. Shall we start wrecking havoc now ?

Everyone: YEAH !

(A situation that will need the strong arm of the law ! Let's head to Satella Police HQ, a few minutes later.)

Officer #2: *barging in* Sir ! Sir ! We have an emergency !

Copper: Calm down, son. What's the issue ?

Officer #2: There are reports of "elemental" attacks near Time Square. Y'know, fire, water and the like.

Officer #1: ... Maybe the Earth finally got sick of us humans meddling with nature, and is looking for payback ?

Copper, #2 and #3: *look at #1 with fear*

Officer #1: Uhh ... Durr, I read it on a cereal box !

Copper, #2 and #3: Whew.

Copper: Anyway, do we know what the criminals look like ? Because, otherwise, it's the firemen's job.

Officer #2: They seem to look like the FM-ians we tracked down before, sir.

Copper: *raises his fist in the air* At last ! People will finally realize I'm not crazy !

Officer #3: Cool ! ... But what next ?

Copper: We arrest them, of course ! Follow me !

(Meanwhile, near Time Square, CRIME happened !)

Martyr: I do say, this is quite entertaining ! *uses the fountain's water to attack random civilians*

Vok: You're weirding me out. And that's saying something. *throws fire on anything moving*

Silver: *is summoning/controlling stone snakes* ... Why did it have to be SNAKES ?!

Ophiuca: It goes with the suit, dear !

Avi-W: Bah ! This ring is useless ! *tries to mind-control people*

Avi-B: So, uh, do you want to exchange with me ? *is whacked by Avi-W* Ow !

Avi-W: No. I have an even better idea ! Mind-Control, go !

(That's a weird case of shooting yourself.)

Avi-W: So, how do you feel, pancake ?

Avi-B: *eyes glowing red* EVIL. *unleashes storm bolts everywhere*

Avi-W: *kisses her Heart Ring* Best Ring ever.

(All this good fun carried on, until...)

Copper: Stop it there, FM-ians ! You're under arrest !

Officer #3: That's not FM-ians. That's cosplayers !

Avi-B: See if THIS is cosplay ! *fries #3, and cackles evilly*

Vok: (Lady is in a bad mood.)

Copper: I'll tell you. If you don't surrender this moment, I'll have to use ... this ! *takes a big red button from his coat*

Martyr: And what is it, good sir ?

Copper: It allows me to call the Army. The whole business.

Libra: Against FIVE persons ? That's quite unbalanced.

Vok: I agree with him, for once.

Officer #1: Aah ! He talks with himself !

Vok: Ah, shaddup. *sets #1 on fire*

Officer #2: Sir ! if you don't call the Army, then you'll be nex- *is wrapped by the stone snakes*

Ophiuca: *manipulating a shivering Silver* You gotta do everything yourselves, these days.

Copper: Alright ! *presses the button*

(All of a sudden, from everywhere ... tanks. Hundreds of them.)

Copper: Ha ! What are you going to do about this, now ?

Martyr: First of all, I believe this device must be taken of. *crushes the button, and throws Copper away, all in a water move*

Avi-W: Keep your ground, and blast all these lamers away !

Silver: Please, just let me die already.

Ophiuca: *knocking Silver's consciousness away* Now, we're getting serious.

(Long will be the tales of these heroic villains fighting their heinous foes, but it seems that the Saga of Cosmos is not to be written yet. Which is a good thing, considering it'd end with their death.)

Libra: There's too many of them ! That's extremely unbalanced !

Cygnus: Isn't there a way to mix our attacks ? With, of course, my element being the predominant one.

Avi-W: Bah. Let's just stand in a circle and summon our stuff.

Ophiuca: Earth ! *a green ray flies from King Ophuca's ring, and creates a sphere in the sky*

Vok: Fire ! *a red ray joins the sphere*

Avi-B: Wind ! *a yellow ray, now*

Martyr: Water ! *hey, it's blue !*

Avi-W: Mind Control ! (... nothing happens.) *grumbles* Heart ! *a pink ray flies from the jewel, hitting the sphere*

?: *flying out of the sphere* By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN PLANET !

Red Shift: Our hero !

Captain Planet: So, what's the matter, Planeteers ? Someone's polluting the Grand Canyon again ?

Vok: We're surrounded by soldiers, you green-mulleted weirdo ! What are you, stu- *is silenced by Libra*

Libra: (Don't you see this person is unbalanced by Gemini's mind ?)

(Lesson of the Day to Planeteers : don't let the evil part of twins hold your Heart Ring ! Or you'll get a crazy Captain Planet.)

Avi-W: Oh yeah, they're polluting ! And look, their tanks leave exhaust fumes !

Captain Planet: Indeed ! Let's begin the recycling !

(The following scene was cut, but we know it was full of Captain Planet destroying tanks with his element powers.)

Tank Officer #1: Let's run away ! We can't win against this guy !

Tank Officer #2: Yeah ! His mullet is too awful to watch !

Captain Planet: *grabs a tank* You're forgetting this ! *throws it at the fleeing army* Go and litter somewhere else !

Martyr: Why, thank you, whoever you are.

Captain Planet: The name's Captain -hold on. *points at Libra Scales* This fire is bad ! You could start a forest fire !

Vok: I wear the Fire Ring, you giant Smurf.

Captain Planet: Oh. Makes sense. But you're polluting anyway ! *snatches the ring from Libra Scales* And you all ! You breathe out Co2 ! That's bad for the ozone layer !

Avi-B: ... What ?

Captain Planet: It's ... all clear now. All life on Earth pollutes ... so I'll destroy everything ! That way, the Earth will be pure and beautiful again !

Ophiuca: Wow. We found someone crazier than Libra.

Libra: I heard that !

Avi-B: Hah ! I guess you can't measure yourself to the land of Dream Island !

Captain Planet: What's that ? A challenge ? Nothing can stop me in my quest for bringing pollution down to zero ! *grabs all the rings*

Avi-W: Hey ! Give 'em back !

Captain Planet: I know you stole them ! Once I rule Dream Island, you'll be the next ones in my list ! And then, the world ! *runs away, yelling :* CAPTAAAAAIN PLANEEEEEET !!!!!

Avi-B: Oow ... my head ... what just happened ?

Martyr: *glares evilly at Avi-W*

Vok: ... Nothing important, I guess. Let's all go home, right ?

Ophiuca: Say, what IS Dream Island ?

Gemini: Just the biggest junkyard around.

Ophiuca and Avi-B: Uh ? Who spoke ?

Gemini: *cries*

(Anyway ... at the junkyard.)

Captain Planet: *buried in trash* Pollution ... my greatest weakness. Why must I fight it anyway ? *fades away* Captaaaain Planeeeeet ...

(After a few minutes...)

Hunter: You never know what you can find here, sir. Weapons, books ... maps, perhaps ?

Cancer Bubble: Hey, look ! A pile of rings, buku !

Crown: Hey, we saw the shiny first !

Cancer Bubble: No way !

Crown: Way !

Hunter: How about we share it ?

Crown and Cancer Bubble: Yay !

(And such, the world's greatest weapons lie in the treasure box of two invaders who went on a scavenger hunt. Funny world.)

- The End -