Red Shift in...
The Twin Turnabout
By Avi (Gemini Spark) and Dawshox (King Ophiuca)

Starring...

-Avi writes-

It’s the wee hours of the morning at the forsaken pit of EVIL that is home to the ever-scheming villains that make up the sinister Red Shift organization. We now join our favorite set of evil twins, in the basement, which, for reasons unknown, has been rearranged to resemble something of a classroom.

Avi-W: (at a teacher’s desk) You there! TAKE YOUR SEAT AND SHUT UP.

Gemini: Avi… who are you talking to?

Avi-B: (at the same desk) Um… you know, the Narrator? Yeah… so, if you would please, Narrator… kindly take your seat?

Gemini: Oh… your imaginary friend, again. Well, let’s go through this once more. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE NARRATOR. IT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A VOICE IN YOUR HEADS— *is slapped by Avi-W*

Avi-W: Excuse me?! We’re the teacher, you’re the class pet! Now get in the fish bowl, class is almost in session!

Gemini: Y-yes ma’am. *floats into the small glass bowl situated on the teachers’ desk* Grumblegrumblegrumble…

And thus, as I took my seat in whatever way a disembodied voice possibly could, Avi-W got up, and approached a fire alarm trigger on the wall… and pulled it.

The blaring sound of a fire bell resounded all throughout the halls of Red Shift’s TOP SECRET headquarters! Needless to say, there was much panic among the team!

Martyr: (getting out of bed, in his pajamas) …[string of random profanities here.]

Cygnus: OH-OH MY?! Wh-who dares disturb my beauty sleep?! WHAT’S GOING ON!?

Libra: This unbalanced racket! Don’t tell me… have the authorities uncovered our TOP SECRET location?!

Cygnus: What to do, what to do?!

Libra: Either A, we hide until they leave us alone, or B, we investigate the premises and take on this threat! We must weigh our choices, and balance the pros and cons of each with utmost care!

Vok: (coming out of his room, with his computer wrapped under his arms) Ah ha ha, oh you clueless aliens. You two have your fun burning to death doing that, while Martyr and I GET OUR ASSES OUTTA HERE, MAAAAAN! *runs the heck on out, soon to be followed by Martyr*

Cygnus and Libra: W-WAIT! *they charge after their human partners*

(At the front door…)

Jammer: (blocking the door) Whoa, where are you guys going? The classroom’s not this way; it’s downstairs!

Martyr: … *gives the henchman an evil glare, and clenches his fist*

Jammer: Wh-whoa! No violence in schools, now!

Vok: …Dude. DON’T YOU HEAR THE FIRE ALARM?

Jammer: Fire alarm? HA, HA, that’s the school bell, sonny! You’d better get to class now, Ms. Delta won’t accept tardiness!

Martyr: …Avi. One night, I will stuff your pillowcase full of rusty syringes.

The “school bell” soon stopped, as Martyr, Vok, and the two FM-ians found their way into Avi’s “classroom.”

Cygnus: Young lady! …Or ladies, whatever! You’ve got some explaining to do!

Avi-W: *slaps everybody present* YOU’RE ALL LATE!

Vok: It’s three in the morning…

Avi-B: Um… yeah, I’m so sorry, everybody, but… yeah, we really needed something to do, as we couldn’t really get to sleep…

Avi-W: …because a certain SOMEBODY was narrating our every move! *whacks one of the empty chairs with a ruler*

Um… I’m supposed to say “ouch,” I guess. So… ouch. Nevertheless, everybody soon reluctantly took their seats… well, Vok took what is apparently my seat, so I guess he is kind of sitting on me or something. But, I digress.

Avi-W: (taking attendance) So Ophiuphiu or whatever she’s called is absent… as always. HMPH! Regardless…

Avi-W and Avi-B: Class is now in session!

Avi-W: Alright, you little waste baskets, LISTEN UP!

Avi-B: Today, we will be studying history.

Avi-W: The history of the long lost, ancient civilization known only as… Switzerland!

Avi-B: Yeah… now, who can tell me about Switzerland?

Cygnus: *raises his wing*

Avi-W: Hm… nobody? …Ah, Narrator! What can you tell us about the lost civilization of Switzerland?

Um… I didn’t have my nonexistent hand up, but… I’ll give it a go. Switzerland is a country in Europe that is, by no means whatsoever, a lost civilization. As I gave my answer, Avi-W didn’t appear to be incredibly pleased…

Avi-W: …WRONG. YOU FAIL MY CLASS! DETENTION, AFTER SCHOOL!

Cygnus: Erm, “Ms. Delta…” who are you talking to?

Avi-B: Um, the Narrator? Yeah…

Avi-W: *slaps Avi-B for no reason* You think you are SOOOOOO funny, narrator. Switzerland is a long lost civilization because I SAY IT IS! It was destroyed long, long ago by ancient weapon of mass destruction known as… anybody know?

Vok: Eh, I’ll just play along. *raises his hand*

Avi-B: Yes, Vok?

Vok: The Large Hadron Collider.

Avi-W and Avi-B: CORRECT!

Martyr: …

Cygnus: (I’m not from this planet, and even I know that the old rumors about that thing being a doomsday weapon are a load of Taurus shit!)

Avi-B: So, yeah… the Large Hadron Collider, or LHC, nicknamed the “Halo” for its ring-like shape…

Avi-W: …was a doomsday weapon built by the Swiss thousands of years ago to end all existence! After it consumed the whole very nation in which it was built, rumor has it the weapon was uncovered by Electopian scientists… and is now on display at the AMAKEN museum!

Avi-B: So, yeah… you know what that means…

Avi-W and Avi-B: FIELD TRIP!

Libra: So… you plan to raid the museum, steal the Collider, and use it to destroy the world? I’m sorry, but anybody with a balanced state of mind knows that the LHC isn’t actually a weapon!

Vok: But we must never forget about all the pitiful souls who actually believe that crap who would likely kill themselves in the anticipation of the so called “apocalypse” brought on by the device… *rubs chin*

Cygnus: Heh heh… and many earthlings are indeed that stupid.

Martyr: …Indeed.

Gemini: So either way, EVIL WINS!

And thus, they began their trek to the AMAKEN museum via the Wave Roads. And who else do they encounter on the way but…

Ophiuca: I got one! I FINALLY GOT ONE!

Avi-W: So, you skipped class to play hooky! *slaps Ophiuca* But I must say, that’s some eel you caught there… *pokes… Queen Ophiuca?*

Queen Ophiuca: …

Ophiuca: Such nonsense, child. That’s no eel… that’s my new host body!

Cygnus: Well I’ll be, Ophyukus! So you do have a new host after all! I was beginning to have my doubts.

Ophiuca: Always in the bathroom, she was, right? Hahaha… ha…

Queen Ophiuca: …

Martyr: …

Gemini: Well, they sure have much in common.

Queen Ophiuca: …

Martyr: …

Vok: …Damn it you two, just kiss already!

Avi-B: Um, heh… nice to meet you, new person!

Queen Ophiuca: …

Avi-W: *once more, slaps everybody present* What are you footstools waiting for?! The Large Hadron Collider won’t steal itself, you know!

And thus, Avi-W grabs Avi-B by the hand and takes off, with Vok, Martyr, and the FM-ians soon to follow. However, one pair seemed to lag behind.

Queen Ophiuca: …

Ophiuca: Hey, come on now, um… what was your name again?

Queen Ophiuca: …

Ophiuca: Are you… alright?

Queen Ophiuca: … *collapses on the wave road*

Ophiuca: …oh dear.

And then, the fusion between Ophiuca and her host suddenly broke up, as the EM Body that was Queen Ophiuca reverted into the form of a limp human being. The girl, no longer made up of EM waves, fell straight through the EM wave road, dropping several feet before landing on the grass below…

All the snake charmer FM-ian could do then was float down, and investigate the lifeless form of what was once her host body.

Ophiuca: (poking the body with her flute) Well… shoot. I knew I shouldn’t have sent that snake to bite her when she tried to run away from me!

(The FM-ian paces about, pondering)

Ophiuca: …I can’t have this on my head. Hm… maybe… I could frame one of my teammates for murder! Hee hee hee…

Meanwhile, at the AMAKEN space museum…

Copper: Listen up, men! There has been a breach of security in this here museum, and due to the Z-wave readings, it is no doubt the work of those ALIENS! Leave no stone unturned, search the entire vicinity until they show themselves!

Officer #2: (yawning) Uh… yessir… Zzzz…

Officer #3: Oh boy! I haven’t been to the museum in ages! My favorite exhibit was the concession stand! I gots me a donut there! BUT THEN I PUT IT DOWN SOMEWHERE AND I NEVER SAW IT AGAIN! *cries*

Officer #1: Derr… maybe it’s on display at one of the exhibits!

Officer #3: OOH! Let’s check the natural history exhibit first! My donut could be anywhere!

Officer #1: If I help you find it… can I take a bite?

Copper: NO! Need I remind you, we are looking for aliens, and not a stale donut?!

Officer #1: Durrrr, but what if it was a donut that fell to Earth from outer space?

Copper: UGH! *facepalm*

Officer #2: (asleep on a bench) Zzzzzzz…

(In another room of the museum)

Avi-W: Ah, the Large Hadron Collider. Few ancient texts detail this legendary artifact’s appearance beyond the fact that it is ring-shaped. However, many historians speculate that due to its age, it has long since become fossilized. Ladies and gentlemen… the LHC is now ours to command! *holds up a stale donut* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Everyone else: …

Avi-B: But yeah… I kinda have my doubts…

Avi-W: *slaps Avi-B* …Indeed, we will not be able to use its power in this fossilized state. Not before taking it back to the lab, at least. It is an ancient artifact, after all!

Vok: Ancient is right. I’d reckon that donut’s been sitting out for well over a decade now, collecting dust, being kicked around, and being used for such “interesting” purposes as—

Avi-W: *slaps Vok* Ignorant fool! You dare compare such a magnificent device to the likes of an aged donut?!

Vok: Madame, the real LHC is approximately 17 miles in diameter. Why do you think it is called the “Large” Hadron Collider?

Avi-W: *slaps Vok again* Look, pops, does it matter? Did any of the early 21st century doomsayers who first told the legend of the LHC even see the device for themselves? You know, the very doomsayers who would lead the stupid to believe… the very ones who were to end their own lives before the Collider supposedly could?

Gemini: You mean the stupid such as yourself? *slapped* S-sorry…

Avi-W: Now let’s get out of here before the narrator draws attention to us by narrating!

And thus, they searched for a path to the wave roads to make their esc—

Avi-W: UGH! QUIET, YOU!!!

Copper: (barging into the room) WHO GOES THERE?!

Martyr: …Idiot.

Avi-B: Um… yeah… we were just… admiring the displays?

Copper: Oh, okay, enjoy the- WAIT A MINUTE! The museum is still closed! You can’t fool me, ALIENSSSSS!

Officer #3: (at Avi-W) …THAT’S MY DONUT! Give it back, thief, OR ELSE!! *raises his vacuum… only to be knocked out by Avi’s fist*

Officer #2: Zzzzzzzzzzzz… *is knocked into the air by a whirling scale, courtesy of Vok*

Officer #1: Dur, oh boy, a rubber ducky! I wanna play with it! *is sent flying by one of Martyr’s oncoming duck-shaped projectiles*

Copper: Errrr… YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF US! *runs*

Cygnus: Oh, when will those silly Satella Police ever learn?

Meanwhile, at Satella Police Headquarters…

?: Hello, Chief Gant. You wanted to see me, sir?

Gant: …

?: …

Gant: …

?: …

Gant: …

?: …

Gant: …OH HO HO HO! Well, if it isn’t little Berry! Been swimming lately?

“Berry”: It’s been forever since I’ve stepped foot in a pool. Just the thought of having to comb all the knots out of poor Cleo Junior afterwards… *lovingly strokes her long, beautiful hair* Besides, my work comes first, sir.

Gant: Oh, but you work hard, Berry! You’ve earned yourself a break every once in a while!

“Berry”: Heh… thank you, sir… but I cannot turn away from my duty as an officer of the Satella Police, so long as the world reeks of injustice! So… you called me to investigate the murder in Echo Ridge?

Gant: Oh ho, very perceptive! *clap clap clap* Indeed, the body of Cindy McSkippy was found on the grounds of Echo Ridge Elementary. And furthermore, school ground security footage reveals some most shocking evidence…

Damon Gant got up from his desk, with a security tape in hand. He approached a monitor, and began to play back the school security footage…



“Berry”: That’s Gemini Spark killing Ms. McSkippy with a thrown snake... hey, wait a minute. Don’t you think this footage looks doctored? I mean, very crudely so…

Gant: Ah ha, but that is not important! It is the appearance of those FM-ians! And let’s not forget that the coroner strongly suspects that the victim did indeed die from a snake bite. *plays with his hair* So, Berry, since the task of capturing those aliens proved too much for our good pal Coppo, I am putting the task in your hands.

“Berry”: *salutes* Understood, sir!

Back in Echo Ridge…

Ophiuca: Hehehehe… no doubt they will fall for my hacked security footage-- *sees Gemini Spark and co. approaching from down the road* …hm, now to sit back and watch the fireworks. *hides in a bush*

(From down the road)

Avi-W: (eyebrow raised) Hmm… I spy with my little eye, something pink.

Avi-B: Yeah… Vok, could you please hold the Large Hadron Collider for a moment? *hands him the aged donut*

Vok: Very well, ma’am. *takes the donut* So, Martyr, you up for some Smash Bros?

Martyr: …

Vok: …I’ll take that as a “fuck you.”

Vok and Martyr walk back to the base with their FM-ians. Along the way, Vok nonchalantly drops the “Large Hadron Collider” into a trashcan he just happened to pass by.

Elsewhere, by the shrubbery surrounding some random, deserted building, the Spark Twins manage to pull a certain snake charmer out of hiding…

Ophiuca: !!

Avi-B: Hey… we were just curious, since we didn’t see you at the museum…

Avi-W: …where the HELL were you?! First you skip out of class, and now this?! *slaps the unforgiving hell out of Ophiuca*

Ophiuca: OUCH! I-I-I was… um… I WAS at the museum! You just didn’t see me! Because I was… well… hacking the security cameras! Honestly, I was hacking the cameras. It was to help keep the police off your backs!

Gemini: And yet they came anyway. And tell me… where the heck is your new host?

Ophiuca: Oh, well… she’s in the bathroom! Again! Hahahahaha… guess I’ll better go get her out before she spends another month in there like last time! *floats away, out of sight*

Avi-W, Avi-B, and Gemini: …

(A spotlight suddenly appears and focuses on our heroic villains!)

“Berry”: (through a loudspeaker) Freeze, Gemini Spark! This is Cleo Berenice, captain of the Satella Police Force’s 42nd precinct! *flips hair* We have you cornered. You will come quietly, or else we will have to use force!

Officers #4, 5, and 6: *raise their vacuums*

Avi-B: You three again? Yeah, I’m sorry we had to beat you all up like that before, and I don’t want to have to do it again… so please, can’t we all just… y’know… get along?

Officer #4: *begins sucking up Avi-W in his vacuum*

Avi-W: (her leg gets caught) EEP! You cheating little… LAMPSHADE!

Officer #4: Heh heh… *produces a Mop Lance battle card, and inserts it into his vacuum. And then, a huge wooden spear shoots out of the device, injuring White’s leg!*

Avi-B: NO! *dodges a Fire Ring that shot out of #5’s vacuum* These guys aren’t the same ones… *the Fire Ring rebounds back like a boomerang, striking her from behind* OUCH! STOP DROP ROLL, STOP DROP ROLL!

Avi-W: (clutching her leg) Humph! You just caught us by surprise, that’s all. Speaking of surprises… *grabs Avi-B* RUN AWAY! *jumps into a nearby lake with her twin*

Berenice: (brushing her hair) Sigh. They just sealed their own fates. Oh well. Time to bring them to JUSTICE!

Officers #4, 5, and 6: Yes ma’am! *they gather around the lake, and begin inserting more battle cards into their vacuums*

Officer #5: This Cloud Shot card should cause quite the show in that there lake… *creates an electrified cloud from his vacuum*

Avi-W and Avi-B: (they pop out of the water) SPLASHY! *they splash the three officers, getting them quite wet*

Officer #5: …OH NO! *his own Cloud Shot shocks him unconscious due to him being wet!*

Avi-W: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *generates much electrical energy from her claw arm*

Berenice: Be careful, men! They intend to use the water and their electricity in conjunction with one another!

(The Spark Twins charge their electrical blades, and prepare to rush their foes)

Officer #6: Oh yeah? *activates a Bombilizer battle card… which causes a nearby rock to explode, tripping the twins over*

Officer #4: *activates an Arbor Edge battle card, causing a green beam saber to appear out to end of his vacuum* Time to say night-night! *goes to jab the fallen twins*

Avi-W and Avi-B: Ah! *they roll out of the way, and get back on their feet*

Gemini: If that thing touches us, we’re…

Avi-W: Not so fast! *the twins join their claw arms together*

Avi-W and Avi-B: GEMINI THUNDER! *they fire a huge beam of electricity!*

Officers #4 and 6: AAAAH! *they narrowly manage to dodge it*

Avi-W: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How’s about another one?

Avi-B: Yea-- *a large, green boulder with a face suddenly falls and hits her on the head, knocking her out!*

Berenice: (holding a battle card) Oh, how I love you, Moai Fall 3. *puts the card away… in her hair…*

Avi-W: …WHY YOU!! *fires her Rocket Knuckle at Berenice*

Berenice: *pulls out a vacuum… from her hair… and sucks up the fist, just like that*

Avi-W: !!

Officers #4 and 6: HI-YAH! *they fire Vulcan Seeds at Avi-W from behind*

Avi-W: (constantly getting hit by a barrage of high speed watermelon seeds) NO! ANYTHING BUT THE SEEDS! *falls on the grass* Wood element… my only weakness!!

Berenice: *pulls a Green Burst battle card out of her hair* So, do you surrender now? Or do I have to make the grass explode around you?

Avi-W: G-g-g-g-g-g-grass? WHY MUST I BE WEAK AGAINST GRASS OF ALL THINGS?!

Berenice: (pulling handcuffs out of her hair) Just as I thought. *handcuffs Avi-W, while the Officers do the same for Avi-B* Gemini Spark, you are hereby under arrest for the murder of Cindy McSkippy! …And for the travesties you two call “hairstyles.” Such an untamed mess… hairdos like that should be illegal.

Avi-W: (trying to fight out of the handcuffs, which seem to absorb all of her electric attacks) You CHIMNEY! Let me go! You have no sense of style, and I don’t even know who this McSkippy person is anyway!

Officer #4: Into the car you go. *throws Avi-W into the back of the patrol car, soon to do the same with Avi-B*

Berenice: And one more thing. *pulls a hairbrush out of her… hair and hands it to Officer #4* While we are driving to the station, could you straighten out their hair? They must learn that not only doesn’t crime pay, but neither does neglecting to take care of one’s own hair!

Officer #4: Um… YES MA’AM!

Berenice: Besides, they are going to have to look their best for Mr. Bidan in court tomorrow.

Officer #6: (carrying the unconscious Officer #5 over his shoulder) You mean Silver Bidan? The most ruthless prosecuting attorney in all of Electopia?

Berenice: Indeed… long ago, before I became a cop, I worked part-time at a barber shop. Silver was one of our customers. Believe me… even from a young age, that boy wasn’t somebody you’d ever want to cross. Make one “mistake” touching up his spiky do and… well…

Officer #6: I almost feel sorry for those twins already.

The next day, we find ourselves at the local courthouse…

-Dawshox writes-

In The Defense Room, the two Avi's are thrown on the ground, still in handcuffs.

Officer #5: Your trial is in ten minutes. Hope you’re ready. Hehehe *walks out*

Avi-W: COME BACK HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

Officer #5: *now holding a Tree* Yes?

Avi-W: …You have very nice shoes!

Avi-B: Don't we at least get a lawyer? Um, please?

Avi-W: We don't need one! I'll do it!

Avi-B: Um… okay…

Avi-W: Don't worry. I learned everything I need to do from a wise sage!

Avi-B: Don’t tell me…

Avi-W: A wise man...named Apollo Justice!

Avi-B: Except... yeah... that’s just a Nintendo DS game...

Avi-W: SHUT UP! *slaps her twin* He-he's real!

Avi-B: Ow... well, we gotta set up our case.

Avi-W: I will follow my mentor's tutelage!

Avi-B: Winging it?

Avi-W: Of course.

*a few minutes later, in the courtroom*

Judge: You may all be seated. Now this is World v. Aliens, am I correct?

Officer #6: Yes your honor.

Judge: Is the defense ready?

Avi-W: You betcha!

Judge: And the prosecution?

Silver Bidan: Just...go...

Judge: Okay.

Avi-W: *aside* Look at that sad excuse of a prosecutor! He's wimpy! We got this.

Avi-B: But yeah... I don’t know… He could be faking.

Avi-W: He looks like a weak breeze will knock him over! We won already!

Judge: Defense! Quiet down! I'll have NO side conversations!

Avi-W: OBJECTION!

Avi-B: We shouldn’t object to the judge…

Avi-W: *slaps Avi-B* Be quiet!

Gemini: I wonder what kind of jail they'll put us in…

Avi-W: *slaps Gemini so hard he flies through the wall* NONE OF THAT DEFEATISM!

Judge: *slams the gavel down so hard it breaks * NO MORE SIDE CONVERSATIONS!

Avi-B: No need to get angry, your honor. We understand.

Judge: Good. Prosecution, call your first witness.

Silver: Okay. I call Copper to the stand, your honor.

Avi-W: OBJECTION!

Silver: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW!

Avi-B: Holy...crap... did you see that?

Avi-W: He... changed. I'm… scared!

Gemini: Hold me.

Silver: Copper, get behind the podium RIGHT now.

Avi-B: This will be harder than we thought...*cringes*

Judge: Copper... Please... before Mr. Bidan gets angry.

*a few moments later*

Silver: Name and occupation.

Copper: Bob Copper. Detective, Head of Special Cases Dealing with FM-ians.

Silver: How are you connected to this case?

Copper: I led the investigation of the initial crime scene.

Silver: Now, tell me what happened.

Copper: When I got to the crime scene, I saw those two fleeing.

Avi-W: OBJECTION! THAT NEVER HAPPENED!

Judge: Do you have any proof?

Silver: I doubt they do. They are stalling for time.

Judge: Stalling? My word! That's horrible! You are penalized. If it happens again I will hold you in contempt of court.

Avi-W: This is YOUR fault!! *slaps Avi-B*

Avi-B: Ah…! *is sent spinning, accidentally hitting Avi-W back*

Avi-W: YOU DARE STRIKE YOUR SUPERIOR HALF?! *pummels Avi-B*

Gemini: Both of you stop or we'll get in serious trouble!

Avi-B: We already are...we're done. Sorry… we can't beat that guy…

Silver: Are you two done?

Avi-B: Um...can we have a few more minutes? Please?

Silver: No. Now can our witness continue sending you to jail?

Avi-W: You mean if he doesn't we don't go?

Silver: Wrong. Now Copper, continue.

Copper: Thank you Mr.Bidan sir. They were fleeing and the guard was on the ground littered with bullets.

Silver: Did you run forensics testing on the bullets?

Copper: Yes. The rifling on the bullets matched the guns the pair threw down on their escape.

Silver: And the guns...?

Copper: Postive on all 20 fingers as a perfect match for the pair. It's undeniable. Those two held the guns that killed the guard.

Silver: I have entered the guns, the bullets, and his reports into evidence. Now...isn't there more...conclusive evidence?

Copper: Are... you sure?

Silver: I am. Go on or it's your job.

Copper: The...security cameras...caught it all on tape.

Judge: WHAT! BAILIFF! PLAY THIS TAPE NOW!

*tape plays*



Silver: And that...is my case your honor.

-Avi writes-

Avi-W and Avi-B: …

Judge: (gasping) My God…! With this evidence, I am just about inclined to sentence these aliens to death for their crimes against humanity, right here and now…

(Much chatter amongst the jury)

Silver: (nodding to the jury) …It’s unanimous, Your Honor. Give them the chair.

Avi-B: I-I… um…

Gemini: (The electric chair, hm? What suckers! If we can pulse into the electronic components before they try zapping us to death, we’ll be able to make our escape! What fools!)

Silver: …The old, wooden chair with no electrical components. Just lots and lots of splinters.

Gemini: (Our weakness…? But… my plan was so perfect! *cries*)

Avi-B: N-No… but… yeah. I guess we deserve that kind of a punishment, for all our evil— *slapped by Avi-W*

Avi-W: HOLD UP, WAIT ONE MINUTE, YOU INSOLENT GAGGLE OF MATCHBOX CARS! We have yet to call our witness to the stand!

Avi-B: Y-Yeah… we do… I guess. The one who has been following us around the whole time, watching and narrating our every move…

Judge: Very well, I will allow the defense to call its witness to the stand.

Silver: *sigh* Just don’t waste too much of my time with this, “Your Honor.”

Avi-W: Mwahahahaha, excellent. We would like to call to the stand… The Narrator!

Many heads turned to face the twins, with White’s mention of “The Narrator.” Who could that be, they had to wonder. Little did they know, it was I, the nonexistent voice in the twins’ collective mind! Nevertheless, I took the stand in what ever a way their imagination perceived me as taking the stand.

Avi-W: Well, what are you waiting for, drainage pipe!? Deliver your testimony, so I may prove that my client, me, is innocent of all charges!

Very well then. During the time the murder took place, Avi and Avi were not present at the scene of the—

Judge: May I ask the defense where the witness might be?

Avi-W: SHUSH, you!

Avi-B: Yeah… please let the Narrator finish, pretty please?

…Ahem. Avi and Avi were on their way to the AMAKEN museum with the intention of—

Judge: Your witness has yet to enter the courtroom… if the person in question even exists.

Avi-W: AUGH. ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?!

Avi-B: Um… not to sound rude, but yeah… the witness is speaking loud and clear. The both of us can hear it very well, and has been following us around for the past week or so… even when we’re half asleep, I can’t get any rest when all I can hear is… “The echoing roar of Avi-W’s snoring shook the entire Red Shift base. Meanwhile, Martyr, who was unable to sleep because of this, found his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. There, he searched for the largest, sharpest knife, in hopes of using this opportunity to his advantage… to sneak in and off Avi-W, claiming his rightful position as the leader of Red Shift…” Yeah…

Avi-W: Mwehehehe, I must hand it to that goofy Narrator for saving my life there. And you will do it again tonight, my pet!

Judge: …

Silver: We’ve wasted enough time here. They are trying to fake insanity to get off easy.

Avi-W: Where’s your proof, Mr. Lawyer?!

Silver: (ignoring Avi) So, be a good little judge and issue the verdict…

The judge thought for a moment, and after a slight bout of hesitation, he raised his gavel, and then- you know what, screw this. OPHIUCA DID IT! Ophiuca killed the “guard” otherwise known as Cindy McSkippy!

Avi-W and Avi-B: OPHIUKIUPA KILLED CINDY MCSKIPPY?!

Ophiuca: (on the wave roads, overlooking the courtroom) …!?!

Avi-W: Mwahahahaha… I call Ophookatu to the stand!

Silver: There will be no more of this nonsense. The judge has made his decision.

Judge: Well, I haven’t yet brought down my gavel, so—

Silver: Then bring it down, or this court is getting a new jud- *sees Ophiuca descending towards the witness stand, and begins to sweat*

Avi-W: Okay, Ophiookoopoo. Fess up! Did you kill Cindy McSkippy?

Ophiuca: … *turns towards the twins… and then towards Silver* (The prosecutor has the same wavelength as my own… mwahaha, yes. This will be the one…)

Silver: (breathing heavily, pulling at his tie) Stay… stay back… STAY BACK!

Judge: Mr. Bidan… are you alright?

Evidently, Ophiuca, being an FM-ian without a host body, remained unseen by all in the room, save for Avi & Avi, Vok and Martyr (who have been observing the case amongst the audience), and Prosecutor Bidan. But only then did Satella Police Captain Cleo Berenice arrive on the scene.

Berenice: Ha ha… the mighty Silver Bidan, reduced to a shivering wreck. In a case involving his greatest fear, snakes, I knew it would only be a matter of time.

Officer #4: Ma’am! The Z-wave readings suggest the presence of an FM-ian within Mr. Bidan’s immediate range…

Berenice: Oh, I know. *reaches into her hair, pulling out a pair of funky sunglasses (otherwise known as a visualizer). She puts on the funky sunglasses, allowing her to see EM waveforms* It’s the one known as Ophiuca… what a surprise.

Ophiuca: (floating ever closer to Silver) Oh, prosecutor… be a dear and release your inner loneli—

Silver: G-GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!! *runs out of the room*

Ophiuca: *chases him*

Judge: Mr. Bidan…?

Berenice: Leave him to me, Your Honor. And don’t panic but there’s what we may call… an alien invasion in progress. So it would be wise to get yourself out of here at once! *to her officers* You three, evacuate the citizens. I’m going after Ophiuca!

Officers #4, 5, and 6: Yes ma’am!

As the judge mounts his steed and rides on out of the courtroom, the officers direct the evacuees in an orderly fashion. However, one pair strays from the crowd.

Vok: (shoving through the mass of people) EXCUSE ME PARDON COMING THROUGH PEEPLEZ.

Martyr: (being dragged along by Vok) …

One of the people bumped into: Hey, watch it!

Vok: My apologies, sir, but my friend and I need the washroom. Gonna drown ourselves some babies!

Martyr: …

Cygnus: (He means we’re going to aid Ophoopooka against the cop with the questionable hairstyle, Gram.)

Martyr: (…Why?)

Avi-W: (in the direction opposite of where the rest of the team is going) Over here, you shameless little PINECONES!!

Avi-B: Yeah… if you could, please help us out of these electricity-absorbing handcuffs?

Martyr: Meh, fuck that. Let’s just find Ophlookoo already.

(Behind the courthouse)

Silver: (running and panting) Why… oh WHY did it have to be snakes?! First the real cause of death, then this…

Silver finally reached his car. Hastily, he moved to open the door, completely forgetting that he had it locked. Thus, he rummaged through his backpack, searching for his keys… where were they?! They must have gotten stuck between the pages of those countless legal documents he kept in there, but now was not the time to go picking everything apart! Luckily enough, though, he was able to uncover the next best thing – a Keyman navi card. Wasting no time, he scanned the card into his transer, summoning the navi before him.

Keyman: Open sesame, OPEN SESAME! Keyman, at your service! I hope you’re as excited about opening doors as I am!

Silver: Just open the damn thing already!

Keyman: TEE-HEE! Gladly! All you have to do is enter the correct numerical code, and VOILA! Lock broken! Okay, here’s the hint: it’s the number of snakes coming out from the bushes behind you!

Needless to say, the prosecutor’s heart skipped a few beats. He would not look back – the unmistakable sound of rustling in the bushes was unbearable enough. And to top it off, the eerie melody of a snake charmer’s flute resonated in the background…

Ophiuca: Go, my pretties! Bring me my host body! But… try not to kill this one, if you would kindly please. *goes back to playing her flute, coaxing the snakes to chase after Silver*

Silver: ARGH! *shoves Keyman to the ground, hoping to distract the snakes. He then leaps over the hood of his car, running away as fast as he can*

Keyman: (is bit by a snake) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Mommy! *teleports away*

Ophiuca: Oh ho ho ho… run as fast as you can, dear prosecutor. Come to me…

Silver: ..!! *he stops running at the sight of Ophiuca hovering directly in front of him…* Ack… *he hears the sound of snakes slithering behind him… and before anyone knows it, he is on the ground in a fetal position*

(Cygnus Wing shows up on the scene)

Martyr: …

Cygnus: Oh, there you are, Ofyukis. Libra, Vok and the two of us have been looking for you! Although the formers are… a little tangled up right now. Literally! I tell you, that hair is completely ridiculous even by earthling standards!

Silver: *shaking and hyperventilating*

Ophiuca: I… I don’t get it… he was so smug just before! The snakes get a scare out of everybody, but this… this is just ridiculous! *inches a bit closer to Silver* What is it, dear? Is it the way I look?

Cygnus: Why, Ophiuca... yes, it most certainly is your most questionable sense of fashion that causes your lawyer friend to tremble in his boots! I've told you before, now I'll tell you once more - all that pink is unbearably hideous, tacky and repulsive... it has GOT to go!

Ophiuca: Hm... I do suppose a wardrobe change wouldn't hurt every once in a while.

*POOF!*

Ophiuca: How do I look?

Cygnus: …On second thought, go back to the—

At that moment, Libra Scales was sent flying past them, careening through the air! He then lands face-first on the parking lot pavement.

Libra: But… she’s a human! The odds should have been balanced in our favor!

Vok: *falls unconscious*

Berenice arrives. She appears drenched, yet her uniform is covered with burn marks.

Berenice: (stroking her hair) Hmph… tangles. No worries, Cleo Junior. Mommy’s got your favorite flavor of shampoo, all for you after we deal with these FM-ians. *draws her battle cards, ready to attack*

Cygnus Wing approaches the traumatized Silver. Ophiuca’s controlled snakes begin to close in as well…

Martyr: Try anything, and the lawyer dies.

Ophiuca: But—

Martyr: And the lawyer dies.

Berenice: …*sighs* …We shall cross paths again… very soon. *she leaves*

Martyr: (turning towards Silver and Ophiuca) …

Silver: …*twitch*

Berenice: (returning) …Oh, and if you are going to kidnap him, please, for the love of all that is well and just, fix his hair! It’s an ungodly mess!

Martyr: …

Cygnus: (She does have a point, you know.)

Berenice: You’ll want him to look his best for when you record the ransom video! And… that’s all. Have fun with your hostage… while you can. *leaves again*

Later, at Red Shift’s TOP SECREEEET base…

Avi-W: (barging in) Why thanks a lot for leaving us behind, you guys! We love you all too!

Jammer: Oh, welcome home, Lady Avi! And you too, Lady Avi!

Avi-B: Thanks, Mr. Evil Henchman… hey, we were wondering where Vok and Graham Crackers were?

Jammer: Vok and Martyr? Oh, they came in with a captive. But Miss Ophiuca insisted on using him as her new host body, so they took him down to the Monster Arena for some basic combat training.

Down in Red Shift’s basement, in their personal Monster Arena…
Vok, Martyr, and their FM-ians watch from the stands as the captive Silver Bidan found himself surrounded by a group of rather peculiar looking EM viruses.

Monsters: RAAAAAAAAR!!! *they assume battle stances*

Silver: Hmph. At least they aren’t snakes.

Ophiuca: (appearing before Silver) Hello, dear. Ready to wave change?

Silver: L-LEAVE ME ALONE! *runs away from Ophiuca*

As Silver ran, the monsters moved in to attack him. While the prosector weaved around many of the creatures’ advances, he was more concerned with avoiding Ophiuca than he was with avoiding them. Eventually, he found himself hiding from her behind the leg of a gigantic Cyclops.

Cyclops: WHEEEEEEE! *turns, and sends Silver flying with one whack of its gigantic club*

Silver: *sees himself flying directly on course towards Ophiuca* No, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!

Ophiuca: YES!

And thus, the two beings collided in midair… with a burst of light, the fusion was complete, and Silver was morphed into King Ophiuca!

Libra: This combination! On one hand, it’s perfectly balanced… yet utterly unbalanced on the other!

Vok: Yo, Libra. Bring us some popcorn, if you would please.

Martyr: And Oreos…

Libra: But I wouldn’t miss this in a lifetime! For if I did, the very knowledge that I actually missed it would upset the balance of my—

Vok: Since you seem to be a fan of A and B scenarios… either A: you go upstairs, and get the popcorn, or B: I show you this goatse-tastic picture of an overweight hermaphrodite wearing nothing but a dead raccoon on its head while bathing in popcorn. Balance the pros and cons of each, and choose carefully… *wink wink*

Libra: *already gone; only his distressed cries can be heard*

So, why is the spectacle of Silver’s new form all the rage, you ask? Well, let’s take a look!

Silver: (attempting in futility to tear his armor off) GAH!! FUCK!! *looks down at his serpentine form in fear and disgust… then fires his eye lasers… at himself*

Ophiuca: (OOF! Stop that this instant! I don’t need another host winding up dead!)

Silver: AUGH!! I NEED TO CHANGE BACK!! *attempts to use another one of his attacks on himself – which, unfortunately, is the summoned snakes* DAMN IT ALL!!! *slithers away from them as fast as he can*

Ophiuca: (I told you to stop, and now look at yourself.)

Silver: CHANGE ME BACK THIS INSTANT!!!

Ophiuca: (Fine… once you defeat these monsters, I’ll consider it)

Silver: *fires his laser eyes, spinning around so that the blast may sweep through each of the monsters. He then charges and bashes into each one, lasers each one, bashes them again, and lasers them again until each one is down* There. Now CHANGE ME BACK, DAMN IT!

Ophiuca: (Very well…)

The fusion breaks up, and Silver is returned to normal. Ophiuca then slips into the lawyer’s transer.

Ophiuca: That was very impressive… *reads the personal information listed inside the transer* …Silver K. Bidan. If you work this quickly every time, we will surely—

(Silver seals the transer into his backpack, and tosses his backpack into the far corner of the arena)

Silver: Don’t bother me ever again! *runs upstairs*

(Upstairs)

Avi-B: Oh, um… hi! You must be the new- *Silver bumps into her* OOF! I-I’m sorry!

Silver: Gah… it’s you.

Avi-W: Hello there, my not-so-mighty-anymore opponent! S’been a while.

Silver: What the hell do you want?

Avi-B: Hey… yeah, we heard Ophiukoo chose you as her new host, so…

Avi-W and Avi-B: WELCOME TO THE TEAM!

Silver: I will have no part of this. Now get back to prison. Where you BELONG! *begins to walk away*

Avi-W: WAIT! Listen, you dumpster. We’re super villains bent on destroying the world. And you’re a slimy, corrupt attorney who would take any means necessary to win a case!

Avi-B: Yeah… they’re pretty much the same thing when you think about it…

Silver: …

Avi-W: You and I are both complete jerks in the end…so think about this! Next time you go presenting false evidence, you’ll have us – a whole team of powerful aliens – to silence any poor sap that would even so much as consider squealing on you!

Silver: …You raise an interesting proposition.

Avi-B: So… won’t you help us? Pretty please?

Silver: …Fine. You will help me. But cross me and… well, you saw how that judge was eating out of my hand. And if you value your lives, you will keep that… that… snake-thing away from me at all times!

Avi-W: And thus began a beauuuuuuutiful friendship! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Meanwhile, at the home of Cleo Berenice…

Berenice: (brushing her hair) Oh, Cleo Junior… have I truly done the right thing?

Her Hair: …

Berenice: I do not like that Silver kid one bit… just look at how he used Copper to his own ends! And yet, I couldn’t let him die…

Her Hair: …

Berenice: But now I fear for the worst. Do you think they may only use him as a hostage? Or… do you think they will actually add him to their ranks?

Her Hair: …

Berenice: (sighing) …Maybe I should just get some rest. I mean, look at me. Talking to my own hair! I’m almost as bad as Gemini Spark now…

Her Hair: Aw, don’t be so hard on yourself, mommy! I’m sure everything’ll be alright. You did a good job out there!

Berenice: Aaaaaand I just heard my hair speak. I really need some rest now.

Her Hair: Awww! *giggles childishly* Mayhaps I should come out now, yes yes?

(And then, out from Berenice’s hair comes… an FM-ian?!)

Berenice: !! *draws her battle cards*

FM-ian: Hee hee, relax, mommy! I’m a good FM-ian! I’m here to help spread love and cheer to all!

Berenice: *hesitates… then puts her battle cards away* …Your aura… it’s different from the other FM-ians.

FM-ian: Like I said, I’m a good FM-ian! You may call me Coma - it's Latin for "hair," okay?  That's right, I represent the hair constellation! And yes, there really is a hair constellation. Look it up some time.~

Berenice: Astounding… I don’t know why, but I feel a wave of… warm fuzziness emanating from your presence. I… would gladly accept you as my FM-ian partner in the fight for justice!

Coma: And thus began a beauuuuuuutiful friendship! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

- The End...? -